Erin Merryn's Christmas to Remember

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God bless you Erin, may you and your family enjoy a wonderful Christmas in spite of the memories that get in your way. Thank you for all you are doing for children in America.

Erin's Law 

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I put this reminder out there every year and hope you will share. 

The holidays are often a time of joy and happiness for many. For others it’s a time of sadness remembering a loved one not at the family gathering. Children are far more likely to be sexually abused by a family member then anyone else. Christmas is one holiday children who are being sexually abused get targeted. For many families they gather with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Making it easier for an abuser to find an opportunity to abuse a family member with the distraction of so much going on in one home. 

 Below are just some moments of childhood Christmases. The photo in the center was Christmas Eve 1997. I was surrounded by relatives as we opened presents while this photo was being taken. What you cannot tell from this photo is I had been locked in a bedroom just before this was photo was taken. I was being sexually abused by my older cousin. He trapped me in an upstairs bedroom. I was paralyzed with fear as I stood there and didn’t even know what to say because I already knew what he had come to do. The room was silent as you could hear the commotion of the rest of our large family celebrating downstairs. When I finally escaped that room after being abused I made my way downstairs as everyone was called to open presents. I remember sitting on that couch telling myself as long as I didn’t leave that room with all the adults he could not come after me again. 

The thoughts racing through my head as I sat there opening presents and yet nobody had a clue what he had done. The looks he would give me from across the room. Little did I know he wasn’t done abusing me that night.

 When it came time to leave on Christmas Eve my cousin’s parents were driving my sisters and I home. Tradition in our home we opened Christmas presents on Christmas Eve night instead of Christmas morning. My parents always left the party early to put the presents under the tree while another relative drove us home. Normally it was our grandparents but that Christmas it was my aunt and uncle. The abusive cousins parents. I was the last person to get in the minivan and every seat was taken. My cousin immediately said, “Erin can just sit on my lap.” I remember telling my younger sister to sit in our older sister’s lap but she wouldn’t and I found them all waiting on me to get in the car. I found myself with no other choice then to sit on his lap. Within minutes of the drive home my cousin slipped his hands under my dress and abused me the whole way home with his brother and my sister sitting right next to us totally unaware as I sat in silence the whole thirty minute drive home. I still remember the Christmas song playing on the radio when he started abusing me. I now turn it off every time it plays on the radio. When we arrived at our house my older sister couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. It was always a race with my sisters to who could get inside first and see what mom and dad bought us for Christmas. For me all that mattered was not the presents under the tree but getting away from that cousin of mine. That was the one Christmas in my childhood I never forgot what I wore due to the abuse I experienced that night. 

A week after that Christmas I found myself locked in my cousin’s bedroom being held down as he abused me while our family was celebrating our grandpa’s birthday. Just as we could hear all our relatives downstairs singing happy birthday he whispered to me, “Remember this is our secret no one will believe you.”

 So what is my point in telling you all of this? For some children the holidays are not the most joyful time of the year. So be alert parents just because you don’t think someone you know and trust within the family would ever harm your kids you can’t be 100% sure so talk to your kids about secrets and personal body safety even if you have already had the talk. Do it again! AND always keep a watchful eye on your children throughout the celebration. Keep checking in on them and know where they are. 

Teachers when students come back from the winter break remind them if they ever need someone to talk to you’re a safe adult they can trust with anything. I cannot tell you how many times I have been told by teachers children disclosed in January after returning to school about being abused while on break. 

- Erin Merryn

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'Freed' Chibok Girls Not Allowed Home for Christmas Because of Photo-Op

Borno State Governor kept them under house arrest until he arrived on the 26th to have his picture taken with them.

The man is a disgrace and a huge embarrassment to a

country which doesn't need any more embarrassment

Government gives in to girls' demands to go home to
Chibok but bars them from leaving legislator's house

The Associated Press 

One of the 21 Chibok school girls released by Boko Haram carries her baby during their visit to

meet President Muhammadu Buhari In Abuja, Nigeria, Oct. 19. The girls were not permitted to

visit their families at home over Christmas, a human rights lawyer says. (Afolabi Sotunde/Reuters)

Kidnapped girls freed from more than two years of captivity by Boko Haram Islamic extremists were prevented by Nigerian officials from spending Christmas at home with their families, said relatives and a lawyer on Tuesday.

The news raised questions about Nigeria's handling of the 21 girls freed in October through negotiation mediated by the Swiss government and the International Committee of the Red Cross.

Nearly 300 girls taking science exams were kidnapped from a government boarding school in the northeastern town of Chibok April 2014. Dozens escaped within hours, and some 200 others remain captive. The mass abduction brought Boko Haram world attention and sparked an international social media movement to #BringBackOurGirls.

Those freed in October have been held for trauma counselling and rehabilitation in Abuja, the capital.

So, why don't the counsellors go to Chibok rather than keeping the girls prisoner in Abuja. They are going to need the counselling more when they return to society than when they are deprived of normal life, family and familiar things.


Kept at legislator's house

They demanded to spend Christmas in their hometown, which is a Christian enclave in a mainly Muslim area. The government tried to appease them, saying it would fly their parents to Abuja, human rights lawyer Emmanuel Ogebe said.

He said the girls insisted on being at home and arrived in Chibok on Christmas Eve, but were held at a legislator's house.


Unbelievable!

Christmas Day passed, but they were not allowed to see their parents until Borno state Gov. Kashim Shettima showed up on Monday with cameras to have his photograph taken officially presenting the girls to their parents, Ogebe said.

"In terms of a Christmas family reunion, this has got to rank amongst the world's most spectacular failed parties," Ogebe told The Associated Press by phone from his base in Washington. "The Grinch — or in this case, the government — stole their Christmas this time. Not the terrorists."

'The Grinch — or in this case, the government — 

stole their Christmas this time. Not the terrorists.'

- Emmanuel Ogebe, human rights lawyer

The mother of one girl and the father of another told the AP that the girls wanted to attend Christmas service at their church but were told they had to remain at the legislator's house for their security. The relatives spoke on condition of anonymity, fearing repercussions from the government for them and their daughters.

The Bring Back Our Girls movement, Human Rights Watch and lawyers like Ogebe, who has organized scholarships in the United States for some of the girls who escaped the night of the abduction, are asking if the traumatized girls have escaped one form of captivity for another.

Thousands rescued, then detained 

Nigeria's army has freed thousands of people from captivity by Boko Haram this year as it has driven the extremists out of towns and villages where they had declared an Islamic caliphate. Most have been detained for interrogation in appalling conditions that have resulted in the deaths of newly freed hostages and their babies, Amnesty International has reported.

President Muhammadu Buhari this week declared that Boko Haram had finally been "crushed," driven out of their last stronghold in the northeastern Sambisa Forest where they were believed to be holding many Chibok girls. The government said this week that negotiations to free the rest of the girls continue.

How about negotiating the release of the girls who have already been released? Haven't those poor girls been through enough? Keeping them from their families and churches over Christmas for photo-op scheduling is unbelievably cruel and insensitive, and probably set back many of those girls in whatever progress they had made in their recovery. He should be sued and forced to resign, at the very least. 

The military victory in Sambisa, which could not be independently verified, is unlikely to end the deadly suicide bombings and attacks on remote villages and army camps staged by the insurgents.

Should Children be Forced to Kiss or Hug Relatives?

New Zealand child sexual abuse charity urges parents to not force children to hug and kiss other adults

A new campaign raises the issue of consent for children

An online campaign urging parents to stop forcing little children to hug and kiss adults against their will is making a special appeal to protect children ahead of Christmas family gatherings.

New Zealand child abuse charity CAPS Hauraki is behind a viral social media campaign warning parents they could be setting up children for a life of abuse if they insist their offspring have no say in hugging or kissing other adults.

The controversial campaign uses a pretty five-year-old girl as the face of every child.

In it she speaks directly to adults about consent and the importance of not being made to dish out hugs and kisses against her will.

"I am 5. My body is my body. Don't force me to kiss or hug.

"I am learning about consent and your support on this will help me keep myself safe for the rest of my life."

It has been followed with a similar style message in time for Christmas from a grandparent's perspective respecting the wishes of children if they do not want to give a hug or be tickled.

Another message warns a visit to the mall to sit on Santa's lap can be distressing and encourages parents to give their children a choice so they know they are the boss of their body.

The simple but arresting message has sparked a storm on the internet with adults polarised over whether children should be made to kiss relatives and family friends as a matter of respect.

In just over nine weeks it has been shared by more than 51,000 users on Facebook and amassed nearly 500 comments.

The organisation, which works with child abuse victims, said the campaign was not about banning children giving adults hugs and kisses but intended to change community cultural attitudes to consent and body ownership in order to protect children.

It was vital to keep children safe from a life of abuse and was important to normalise a child's right to do what they wanted with their own body.

"We are not against affection. WE LOVE HUGS AND KISSES! But they must never ever be forced upon a child," it posted on its Facebook page.

It has made a special appeal at Christmas time to extended families to not act against children's wishes.

"It is that wonderful time of year when families visit each other- and when we have a golden opportunity to teach our children about consent!! This holiday season we need grandparents and family members who understand that children shouldn't be forced to do things, even harmless hugs and tickles, against their consent."

The organisation also said the message wasn't about "inappropriate touching" but "forcing" children to engage in affectionate behaviour when they clearly didn't want to do it.

It was important children were taught they were the boss of their own body and shouldn't be forced to do anything with it against their will.


1 in 3 girls victims of sex abuse by 16 in N.Z.

"The "inappropriate touch" is another very important message that we get across too. The consent message is about changing the culture here in New Zealand where 1 in 3 girls are victims of sexual abuse by the age of 16. Let's get this straight; we need our children to know that when they say "no" it counts," posted CAPS Hauraki in response to a cascade of comments on its Facebook page.

The messages have drawn a slew of comments from across the globe.

"As a person who works at a sex offender treatment facility and with most of the offenders being family members, some of you need to rethink this notion of teaching your child to comply with family members wishes. Normalising physical affection against their wishes is setting children up for failure," posted Kisha Harp.

"Remember who the majority of child abusers are. People whom your child could have been told to 'give a kiss' or 'give a hug' to when it was unwarranted. Just because they're little doesn't mean they can't decide for themselves. They're people, not just your kids," posted Michelle Lewis.

But the message hasn't met with universal approval by all posters.

"The fact that they aren't old enough to make their own decisions makes children CHILDREN. By following this logic of children "not being forced to do anything they didn't want to" is ridiculous , children need to be taught that compassion and love are important parts of life , and just because they don't "want to " give grandma or grandpa a kiss on the cheek ,doesn't mean they shouldn't," posted Alexa Dolcimascolo.

"This is absolutely terrible advice. Encouraging your kid to kiss and hug their loved ones teaches them AFFECTION. I can understand that many kids are shy when it comes to strangers, as usually a high-five will be sufficient... but to be distant from family members, including parents? How will we be able to trust and love one another when kids at crucial development stages are taught to be distant from one another?" posted
Mario Greco.

- NZ Herald

Is forcing a child to kiss or hug a relative he/she doesn't want to really a display of affection, or a display of obedience and powerlessness? Abused children are voiceless; "No" can be used inappropriately by children and turn them into tyrants, but if we remove that word from their vocabulary when it comes to relationships, we are shutting their mouths and ensuring their voice will not be there when it is needed most.

Perhaps the answer doesn't have to be at one end of the scale or the other. We can encourage our children to express affection, and we can set an example, but if they cringe at the suggestion, we should respect their feelings and judgment. Children are often better judges of people's character than adults. I think we should encourage them to listen to their hearts and not force them to do what they are loathe to do. That is setting them up for a pedophile.