Everyday thousands of children are being sexually abused. You can stop the abuse of at least one child by simply praying. You can possibly stop the abuse of thousands of children by forwarding the link in First Time Visitor? by email, Twitter or Facebook to every Christian you know. Save a child or lots of children!!!! Do Something, please!

3:15 PM prayer in brief:
Pray for God to stop 1 child from being molested today.
Pray for God to stop 1 child molestation happening now.
Pray for God to rescue 1 child from sexual slavery.
Pray for God to save 1 girl from genital circumcision.
Pray for God to stop 1 girl from becoming a child-bride.
If you have the faith pray for 100 children rather than one.
Give Thanks. There is more to this prayer here

Please note: All my writings and comments appear in bold italics in this colour

Showing posts with label A Survivor's Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Survivor's Story. Show all posts

Monday, 1 January 2018

Cheated Out of Justice - One Survivor's Story

By age 14, Makell’s mother was shooting narcotics into her veins in the bathroom of the family’s Florida home, then selling her to strange men for sex, sometimes for as little as a single prescription pill.

Makell Ware and her adoptive mother Holly Ware

DAYTONA BEACH — It started with a pill — a sedative before bed, a powerful painkiller to cure a headache. The dosage grew gradually, turning teenager Makell Graves into an addict. Then the injections started.

From that point, Makell can recall her childhood only in fits and fragments, mangled in her memory by the trauma that followed.

What she does remember she’d rather not conjure — nauseating visions of being bound and battered as old men violated her body and mind.

Afterward, her mother would drive her home.

“I’ve kind of always known there was something different between my life and other kids,” Makell, now 19, told The News-Journal. She has undergone extensive therapy to combat her addiction and restore her mental health. “I don’t really know if I ever realized what was going on because when you’re a kid, you automatically think to trust your parents, and that’s what I did.”

By age 14, Makell’s mother was shooting narcotics into her veins in the bathroom of the family’s DeBary home, then selling her to strange men for sex, sometimes for as little as a single prescription pill.

The drugs wiped many markers of time and place from Makell’s memory. But she thinks the drugs and sexual abuse went on for about two years before local law enforcement poured into her quiet neighborhood and removed her and her sister to safety.

Makell’s parents, Michael and Cynthia Graves, were arrested three months later. But under Florida law, the parents were able to trade pleas for light penalties. Meanwhile, Makell’s sentence stretches out before her with no end in sight.

Feeling “cheated” out of justice by the punishment meted out to her parents, Makell has come forward, identifying herself in the media to advance her intent to push legislators to strengthen Florida’s statute on human trafficking.

Sex trafficking “is not happening somewhere far away from us like everyone thinks,” Makell said. “It’s literally happening all around you. People either choose to ignore it or they have no idea what it is.”

‘You don’t have to lie anymore’

Holly Ware wasn’t expecting the frantic voice she heard when she answered a call from Cynthia Graves. “They’re taking my kids!” Graves screamed. “Please don’t let my kids go to foster care.”

Ware loved Makell’s younger sister, Kaytee, like a daughter. Her longtime partner had a daughter Kaytee’s age and the two girls were close friends.

Kaytee had spent three summers and countless weekends at Ware’s home. “Mama Holly,” as Ware was known, often had paid for Kaytee’s school clothes, immunizations and doctor visits.

Kaytee was a “good girl” who talked about “God and boys,” Ware said. When Ware drove Kaytee home, she’d see Makell outside, scantily clad and smoking a cigarette. Ware thought Makell was a stoner and a street thug.

After hearing Graves’ phoned plea that late summer afternoon in 2014, Ware agreed to meet the girls at a state Department of Children and Families facility where they were taken to be interviewed.

There, she got the full story.

Graves had decided to pick Kaytee up early from her Orange City middle school. She took Makell, who hadn’t been to class in two years, along for the drive.

On their way home, a neighbor called with a warning: Law enforcement had surrounded the Graves residence.

Graves went home anyway. When they arrived, Volusia County deputies escorted Makell and Kaytee inside to pack their bags. Later at the DCF office, Ware’s assumptions about Makell were shattered in seconds.

″(FBI agents) said (Makell’s parents) have been IV drugging Makell and selling her to their drug dealers, and that’s called human trafficking,” Ware recalled. “My jaw fell to the floor. I just thought she was this little pothead. I felt shame for judging her.”

That was all it took to shift Ware into “mama bear” mode. “You’re gonna come stay with me,” she told Makell. “You’re gonna be safe.”


Makell was skeptical. The first time investigators questioned her, she lied.

“Both my parents would coach me into thinking (what they did to me) was OK, and if anything were to happen, to take the fall for it so they wouldn’t get in trouble,” Makell said.

Ware convinced her to come clean.

″(Ware) looked at me and said, ‘Makell, I know you don’t know me like that, but (the authorities) know everything and you don’t have to lie anymore,’” Makell recalled. “And I said OK.”

Ware’s daughter, Reagan, was waiting for Makell outside the interview room. “She just hugged me,” Makell said, blinking back tears. “I will never forget that day.”

That night, Makell slept on a mattress in Ware’s living room. Ware stayed close on the couch to remind Makell she was safe.

“I slept for the first time in two years,” Makell said.


Sold for sex

Arrest reports fill in some of the memory gaps Makell would prefer to leave empty.

They tell how Robert Richards, 60-year-old owner of Fresh Off the Hook restaurant in DeLand, handcuffed Makell’s hands behind her back and then to a bedpost while he raped her with an object as another young woman watched.

When Richards was finished, Cynthia Graves picked up Makell and the other young woman — one of several Graves prostituted, records show — demanded payment from Richards and drove to Deltona to purchase pills.

Makell was 14.

She usually was “sedated” during sexual encounters, but not always. Sometimes, Makell recalled, her mother would say, “We need money so we can get our drugs, so I need you to do this. It kind of just became like a normalcy or routine in my life for a while.”

Makell thinks she was 12 the first time her parents medicated her. She had watched them openly abuse drugs for years. “They didn’t try to hide it,” she said.

They fed her progressively stronger pills, and then began injecting liquefied narcotics — Dilaudid, Xanax, oxycodone — into her arms, buttocks and between her fingers. Once her parents started shooting her up with drugs, Makell said her memories became muddled.

“There were times when I would wake up in someone’s house, or I have little memories of driving to Sanford or just like little bits here and there,” she said. “But, you know, the more time that I try to heal, I remember more and more from flashbacks and dreams and stuff like that.”

She recalls a Sanford neighborhood haunted by drug dealers, addicts and prostitutes. ”(My mother) knew everyone in that neighborhood,” Makell said.

Graves could count on collecting cash from two Sanford men in particular, an informant told investigators. To one, Graves sold shoplifted steaks. To the other, she sold Makell.

Police reports refer to those buyers as “James” and “Reggie.” Reggie was an active member of the military, according to an informant. Reggie rented hotel rooms for sex acts with Makell and her mother to hide his illicit activities from his wife. Neither man has been prosecuted.

Makell believes her mother sold her to eight different men, including at least three in Seminole County. Only two of the men — both in West Volusia — have been publicly identified.

Richards, the DeLand restaurant owner, was a regular. His reputed preference for underage girls attracted FBI attention. Besides Makell, Richards liked to hire young female employees he could entice with money or gifts in exchange for after-hours sex, a confidential source told investigators.

Cynthia Graves planned to start selling Kaytee as well, the source said, but Makell intervened. “No, take me,” Makell insisted.

Richards was arrested Dec. 17, 2014, the same day as Makell’s parents. He was charged with child abuse and two counts of lewd or lascivious sexual battery on a child age 12 but less than 16.

He died while awaiting trial. Records do not show the cause of death. If convicted, Roberts would have faced up to 35 years in prison.

In comparison, Makell’s parents received relatively light sentences.

Michael Graves pleaded no contest to child abuse. He was sentenced in late August 2015 to a year and a day, with credit for six months in Volusia County jail. He was released in February 2016 after five months in prison, and returned to his DeBary home for three years of supervised probation.

A month after her husband, Cindy Graves pleaded no contest to procuring a minor for prostitution, deriving support from the proceeds of prostitution and child abuse. She was sentenced to five years in prison. She’s scheduled for release April 5, 2019.


Reliving the trauma

“Five years? Am I only worth five years?” Makell asked Ware when she heard the news of her parents’ short sentences. She was devastated.

But part of the challenge for prosecutors was Makell’s state of mind as a result of the trauma she’d experienced.

In sex crime cases, it’s common for prosecutors and defense attorneys to discuss a plea that does not require the victim to testify, Assistant State Attorney Shannon Peters said.

The deposition process alone is “very rigorous,” Peters told The News-Journal. A defense attorney’s role is to protect the accused, and though some handle victims with care, others take the opportunity to intimidate.

When Makell was scheduled to speak with prosecutors, she experienced mental and emotional upheaval and was not able to follow through.

“You’re confronted with forcing a girl to come into court whether she’s having seizures or throwing up,” Peters said.

A trial would have required Makell to relive her trauma yet again and be cross examined in a public courtroom.

“She didn’t want to have to face the perpetrators in court,” said Peters. (Though Makell has come forward in the media, prosecutors are prohibited from naming her.) “If the victim isn’t willing to come to court and (testify), we don’t have a case. If you don’t make a plea deal and they don’t come to court, you don’t get a second bite of that apple.”

Had Michael Graves gone to trial, he could have been sentenced to five years in prison. Cindy Graves could have faced 25 years, but five years was “what the defendant was willing to plead to without putting the victim through a deposition or any court proceedings,” Peters said.

Still, Makell said she felt “cheated” by the justice system.

“I think if my parents had been charged the proper way in the beginning and served what they deserved, I would probably be in a different place with everything,” she said.


‘The law let us down’

An investigation by the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office revealed Cindy Graves was “sex trafficking (Makell) for money,” an arrest report states.

Human trafficking, a first-degree felony, carries a maximum prison sentence of 30 years. But Cynthia Graves wasn’t charged with human trafficking. No one has ever been prosecuted for human trafficking in the 7th Judicial Circuit, comprised of Volusia, Flagler, St. Johns and Putnam counties.

Makell is seeking support among Florida’s legislators to change that. Aided by Don Mair, who helped draft Gabby’s Law after his daughter was hit by a car and killed at a school bus stop, Makell is advocating for a rewrite of Florida’s human trafficking statute.

The proposed bill emphasizes harsher penalties and removal of plea deals for those charged with the crime.

“The law let us down,” Holly Ware said, “so let’s change the law.”

State Rep. Tom Leek, R-Ormond Beach, said he is working with the House of Representatives’ criminal justice staff to draft an effective bill, but it will not be completed in time for the 2018 legislative session.

Leek, an attorney, said the punishment Makell’s parents received for “one of the most atrocious crimes I can think of being committed is offensive.”

But, he added, “We have to make sure to give law enforcement and the state attorney the discretion they need to put together the best case they can without unnecessary restrictions. It was easy to recognize the problem, but it’s hard to find a solution that works.”

Florida’s human trafficking law requires prosecutors to prove the victim was subjected to force, fraud or coercion. Proof of coercion is usually developed through victim testimony, Peters said.

Drugging a child for the purpose of sexual exploitation is a form of coercion, but there must be a direct connection between the two. In Makell’s case, Peters said, “Every time (her parents provided her with drugs), it wasn’t for the purpose of sexual acts.”

Makell’s father — though guilty of giving his underage daughter drugs — was never alleged to have sold her for sex.

“The charges we used didn’t have to prove coercion and covered the facts exactly,” Peters said. “I don’t think the problem is what we charged. The end result is what people are upset about.”

Leek said the solution may be to change the standard of proof from coercion to facilitation. While it may be difficult to prove the purpose of Makell’s mother’s actions was to sell her for sex, Leek said, “What her parents did by drugging her is they took away her ability to reject, her ability to reason.

“What I do know is parents who sell their kids into the sex trade should not be able to walk away with (a short sentence),” Leek said. “There’s got to be a better solution.”


A taste of justice

In June 2016, nine months after her mother went to prison, Makell suffered a flashback to a sexual assault by a man she could only identify as “Buzz.” Ware notified the FBI.

The next day, FBI agents drove Makell to her parents’ home and she directed them turn by turn to the door of John Szolosi of DeBary.

Szolosi, 70, pleaded no contest to lewd or lascivious sexual battery, but later admitted his guilt to the court. Szolosi told investigators he paid Cindy Graves a single Xanax for the sex act with Makell.

New charges were filed against Graves, too. But the incident had occurred during the date range already covered by her plea.

In the months leading up to Szolosi’s sentencing, Makell had returned to school. Outwardly, she seemed like any other University High School student. But the trauma she has suffered still lingers. One day earlier this year, she pulled into the University High School parking lot for a typical day of classes when memories simmering below the surface struck without warning.

She panicked and dialed Ware, whom she now calls “Mom.” Ware officially adopted Makell and Kaytee in 2015, and both girls have taken their adoptive mother’s last name.

Ware calmed her. “You’re in control. You’re not trapped. You can drive home.”

When she reached home that day, a wave of nausea hit Makell the moment she stepped through the front door. She vomited again and again until she blacked out. Ware put her to bed. When Makell awoke, she shared previously suppressed details from her hours-long encounter with Szolosi.

“That (memory) was actually so traumatizing,” Makell said, “I had to tell my mom what I remembered and what happened because I couldn’t physically write it down.”

Awaiting sentencing at his home earlier this year, Szolosi told The News-Journal he had “a lot of feelings” about what he did to Makell.

Leaning against his doorframe, an ankle monitor hidden under his jeans, he indicated a desire to express those feelings, but ultimately declined to divulge them without his attorney present. His attorney, Michael Nielsen, did not respond to multiple attempts to contact him. Szolosi was sentenced in September to 10 years in prison and declared a sex offender.

To Makell, Szolosi’s sentence felt like justice.

When Ware arrived home from Szolosi’s sentencing, Makell ran outside to greet her in the driveway.

“What are we gonna do now?” Ware asked as they wiped away tears.

Makell answered, “Live our lives.”


‘I want to be a kid’

“Pretty but stupid” is what Makell said her parents called her. They pulled her from public school soon after she started seventh grade.

A teacher came to her house at first, and she was expected to complete her courses online. She didn’t, and the teacher quit coming.

When Ware took custody of Makell and Kaytee, Makell should have been a high school freshman. Instead, Ware re-enrolled her in middle school. She made honor roll.

“She did a 180 in a week,” Ware said. “She wanted to be a good kid. She didn’t want to be what they made her.”

Makell will graduate high school in May, and is dual enrolled at Daytona State College. She had planned to pursue a nursing certification, but is now considering a career in law enforcement.

She still has counseling three times a week. Patrick Nave and Diena Cannavino, founders of Bikers Against Trafficking, give their services free to Makell at their state-licensed addiction treatment and counseling center, Ware said.

Survivors of sex trafficking have wounds and addictions they will deal with for the rest of their lives, Nave told The News-Journal.

“Something that happened 30 years ago can be triggered by a movie. Everything is still in the brain.”

Scent, he said, is the biggest trigger, and can catch a survivor off guard.

For Makell, each day is a minefield.

Last year, a grocery shopping trip took a dark turn when an elderly man passed Makell in the aisle. The “old man smell” plunged Makell into a disturbing memory. She crumbled to the floor in hysterics.

“In that moment, you don’t feel like you’re in the middle of a store. You feel like you’re back in that bad situation,” Makell explained. “And all I had was my mom to just stand there and hold me and tell me, ‘It’s OK, you’re safe.’”

The threat of a sneak attack from her subconscious lingers. Makell still lives in DeBary. Ware has moved them to a new neighborhood. But at any turn, Makell worries she could encounter her father or grandparents or previously unidentified rapists.

“For the longest time I was literally running out of stores and just running from anyone in my past and anything that reminded me,” Makell said. “It hasn’t really been until recently I’ve tried to stop running, but it is hard to go into Walmart.”

Walter and Esther Graves, Makell’s grandparents, live with Michael Graves. Esther said her son won’t talk about the case. She and her husband are “very upset that we can’t see (Makell and Kaytee),” she told The News-Journal. “We’ve tried, but (Ware) won’t let us.”

Michael Graves was prohibited by law from contacting Makell until she turned 18. Makell said her dad doesn’t have her number, but if he called she’d have some choice words for him.

Makell didn’t want to celebrate her 18th birthday. “I didn’t get to be a kid,” she told Ware. “I’m not an adult. I want to be a kid.”

In recent months, she has finally started sleeping in a bedroom rather than in the living room with Ware.

And another significant thing has changed: Since Szolosi’s sentencing — and the toll it took on her mental and physical well-being — she’s decided not to pursue prosecution of any perpetrators she remembers in the future.

“Even when there’s no more court hearings or interviews like this, we’re not going to be a completely normal family,” Makell said. “But we’re all just really ready to just be done with this.”



Saturday, 30 December 2017

One Woman's Heartbreaking Account of Being Sexually Abused by a Family Member

One Survivor's Story

The first time Beth remembers being sexually abused she was three years old.

While the details are vague she recalls feeling uncomfortable around her abuser and fighting for him not to change her nappy or to take her to the toilet.

At 15 years old, Beth’s mother died after a long illness, leaving her alone to cope with both the grief of her loss and her continued abuse by a family member.

This is the story of one extraordinarily brave Cardiff woman and her journey to help others cope with being a victim of sexual abuse.

Beth – whose name has been changed for legal reasons – is now in her late 20s.

Beth was sexually abused by a family member (picture posed by model) (Image: Niall Carson/PA Wire)

To everyone else her abuser was just a “loving man being affectionate”.

“In public he would hold me inappropriately, pick me up, and touch me in private areas,” she said.

“For people around us he portrayed a loving man being affectionate – he had everyone fooled. I grew up quickly as a child and learnt to get dressed and go to the toilet by myself at an early age."

“The abuse would happen every week. He’d find some way of separating me from other people so we were alone together.

“I would be peeling potatoes or helping to chop vegetables and he would start touching me and trying to be intimate.

“I tried to limit the times when we’d be alone together. I didn’t want him anywhere near me.”

By using threats and conditions Beth’s abuser made sure his actions remained a secret.

She said: “I was so confused. He used to tell me that the abuse was ‘our little secret’ and that I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about it."

“I knew that I didn’t like him doing what he was doing but didn’t know if it was normal or not. He’d pretend it was something special for us."

“If there was anything I wanted, like a new toy or sweets, he would buy them for me and then threaten to take them away if I told anyone about what he was doing to me.”

For Beth the abuse got more severe the older she got. But so did her determination to fight back – once hitting her abuser so hard at the age of 13 that he fell to the floor.

From then on the more she resisted the worse it became.

She said: “I began to understand that the abuse wasn’t right or normal when I was 12 and I started to fight back.

“We used to have physical arguments where I would lash out at him. I was so conflicted because I didn’t want him to die but I didn’t want the abuse to continue."

“After that the more I fought back the worse the abuse got and the more it seemed to urge him on. He seemed to get more of a thrill if I fought.”

Instead the teenager learnt that words were her most powerful weapon by threatening to tell her mother.

For two years she was able to reason and plead with her abuser until he became fearful of being reported and left her alone.

Then at the age of 15 Beth’s world was turned upside down when her mother died.

Beth said: “My mum was my only bargain to get him to stop and his words to me were: ‘Your mum’s not here, you can’t tell her. What are you going to do now?’

“The abuse continued after my mum’s death. I was dealing with the grief of mum’s passing as a 16-year-old."

“The strength of her character gave me strength so I acted in memory of her and the support she would have given me.”

Beth was able to receive help from the NSPCC after being referred by a friend (Image: Rob Browne)

For Beth things only started to change after her mother’s friend became worried about how she was coping.

Breaking down in tears, the teenager risked everything and told her what was happening.

From there the friend contacted the NSPCC helpline on Beth’s behalf, who referred her case onto police.

Beth said: “I didn’t know what support I needed but I knew something had to happen for the abuse to stop.

“Some people don’t know how to receive support and especially at that age I didn’t know how to reach out.

“It was hard to speak about with anyone but to stranger it was easier to open up as they didn’t know me.”

After being supported by the children’s charity throughout the legal process Beth’s abuser was sentenced to three years in prison and placed on the sex offenders register.

But for Beth the time after his convictions was equally tough.

She said: “After the conviction my family still treated me like I was the person in the wrong for reporting him. I don’t believe they meant it intentionally but it’s how I was left feeling.”

This happens far too often. It's disgusting!

Beth continued to receive support from the NSPCC after her abuser’s conviction. When things got too much to deal with, however, she resorted to other means of coping.

At the age of 18 she began drinking and self-harming, leading to several suicide attempts.

“I went into this path of self-destruction – I felt unworthy. I was going out too much, drinking too much, and feeling that everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around."

“I needed an outlet and that outlet was to harm myself.”

After several years without any support Beth realised her only way to get the help she needed was to get back in touch with the NSPCC.

She said: “The NSPCC were there in my darkest times when I was suicidal and made me realise that everything that happened was in the past.

“They made me realise my thought process was wrong and that I didn’t need to end my life.

“It’s not overnight and it’s something that will always be a part of me.

“It wasn’t an easy time and there’s still a part of me which will slip back into old ways of thinking so the continued support they give me is invaluable.”

With a combination of support from friends as well as practising yoga and meditation Beth has been able to come to terms with what has happened to her.

Speaking about past relationships she said: “With any relationship you need that level of understanding so any problems I may face or dealing with poignant memory I will be supported by loved ones. If they’re not supportive they’re not the one.”

To help others in the same situation Beth now runs her own charity helping others build self-empowerment and belief.

She said: “Even if it is a family member who is abusing you you still need to speak out because, whatever relationship they are to you, what they’re doing isn’t right.”


NY Woman Kidnapped and Hidden in Underground Bunker in 1992 Reveals Long History of Sexual Abuse

A Survivor's Story
BY JESSICA SCHLADEBECK, KATIE HONAN,
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

A woman snatched by a family friend on Long Island and held captive in an underground bunker for 17 hellish days when she was 9 years old says sexual abuse she suffered before her abduction helped her survive her ordeal.

Katie Beers was lured to John Esposito’s Bay Shore, Long Island, home in December 1992 with the promise of birthday presents.

Instead, he stashed her in a coffin-size dungeon beneath his garage built specifically for the child.

Actually, it was 6'x9', which is very large for a coffin. See photo below.

During an “Ask Me Anything” session on Reddit on Thursday, Beers said she was sexually abused and raped by Esposito during her nearly three weeks in captivity.

He confessed to the kidnapping, which landed him behind bars for the remainder of his life. But he only admitted to the abuse while speaking with his parole officer just before he died in 2013 and never faced charges for the abuse.

While she’s already detailed the torture she experienced at the hands of Esposito in her New York Times best-selling memoir “Buried Memories,” Beers revealed some more in her recent virtual question and answer session.

Beers recounted the trauma she suffered before Esposito took her and how it helped her get through her time in captivity.

Years before her abduction, she was placed in the home of a family friend whose husband, Salvatore Inghilleri, sexually abused her. He was later convicted of the abuse, which was revealed only after the kidnapping.

A crane raises a 6-by-9 foot bunker out of the earth from the property of John Esposito in Bay Shore, N.Y.  (MICHAEL ALEXANDER/AP)

Beers said she was “physically, emotionally and verbally abused by all the adults who were supposed to take care of me.”

While Child Protective Services did try to intervene, it was difficult for her to be honest while being interviewed in the house where she was abused, she said.

Despite the depravity she experienced on a daily basis, Beers said she tried to keep a shred of hope.

“I knew from an early age that not all people were bad ... and not everyone was out to hurt me,” she wrote.

Beers was rescued from her subterranean bunker Jan. 13, 1993, after Esposito confessed to his lawyer.

The frightened child thought her rescuers were Esposito’s friends coming to rape her, Beers husband wrote in a Reddit post.

After her ordeal, Beers was placed with a supportive foster family in East Hampton, where she was raised with four siblings.

John Esposito faces the court during his arraignment in Central Islip, N.Y., on charges he imprisoned 10-year-old Katie Beers in an underground bunker for 17 days.  (ALEX BRANDON/AP)

She credits her parents as being “invaluable” to her recovery.

Now 35 and a mother of two, she said having children “completed my heart” and she finds it difficult to not be a “helicopter parent” after what she went through.

Beers hasn’t spoken with her biological family, including her mother and an older brother, in years.

“For the stability of my family, I’ve cut off contact with them,” she wrote.

And after years of silence, Beers says she is an inspirational speaker now, and she’d like to share her story with more people.

“I realized that my childhood shaped who I was and that I shouldn’t try to distance myself from it,” she said.

“I hope that one day, after enough survivors have the courage to speak about their abuse, that there will no longer be a ‘stigma’ associated with surviving.” 

Smart woman. God bless you!



Tuesday, 19 December 2017

The Silent Lives of Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors in America’s South Asian Diaspora

One Survivor's Story 

Samiha Khan’s story is part of a larger narrative

(Kati Szilágyi for The Lily)

Editor’s note: This story contains sensitive stories about childhood sexual abuse. Some of the women who came forward in this story could face negative repercussions within their communities for sharing their experiences. The Lily has chosen to protect their identities by not using their real or full names.

Bina really believed Samiha was going to come home that night.

It was a cold Wednesday evening in November 2016. Bina* had just gotten off the phone with her 23-year-old cousin, Samiha Khan, who assured her that she was on her way home.

“I told her what I always tell her when she’s upset,” Bina said. “You live in a house full of people who love you, and we’re waiting for you. So, come home.”

She was still suspicious. She had offered to call Samiha an Uber, but Samiha insisted she would take the subway.

Instead, she threw herself in front of one.


In the days following her death, Samiha’s best friend, Annie*, tried to make sense of what had happened. They had grown up together in the Bangladeshi community in Queens, New York, and attended the same school. They cooked and baked together during holidays. When Annie went off to college, Samiha visited her. On Annie’s birthday, Samiha threw her a surprise party.

But before all of that, there was a part of Samiha’s life that would go on to haunt her over the years, leading to numerous suicide attempts. Beginning at age 8, Samiha was sexually abused by her father, Annie says. The abuse continued well into Samiha’s teenage years. Her mother knew, but discouraged Samiha from reporting it to the police, her cousin, Bina, says.

Annie didn’t find out about it until their college years, when Samiha was no longer living with her parents.

“When I came back from college for break for the first time, Samiha told me why she had moved out of her house,” Annie says. “That [her father] would molest her, abuse her, pull her hair. And then he would threaten to kill her if she said anything to anyone.”

Child sexual abuse in South Asian communities

Samiha’s Bangladeshi community in Queens is one of the country’s largest South Asian immigrant populations, which has grown exponentially over the past few decades. Between 2000 and 2010, the South Asian population became the fastest growing major ethnic group in the United States.


Source: saalt


Many migrate to the United States for better opportunities, often trading careers in prestigious fields — such as academia, medicine or other high-ranking posts — for blue collar jobs.

And they do it all — leave their homes, learn the language, adjust to a new culture — for one reason: to secure a better future for their children.

And yet, it is the children who suffer in silence. Nitasha Chaudhary Nagaraj, a research scientist at George Washington University, co-authored a 2016 report that surveyed South Asian adults in the United States. About 25 percent reported having experienced childhood sexual abuse. Nearly 22 percent of the victims grow up to have suicidal tendencies, which Nagaraj says is higher than in other ethnic communities.

Such abuse often goes unreported due to cultural and familial stigma. Filial values are also very strong in South Asian cultures. Parents are authority figures, meant to be respected, not questioned.

“Children are not seen as autonomous individuals in our culture. They’re seen as little people that you tell what to do,” says Yumnah Syed, a former youth empowerment advocate at Sakhi for South Asian Women, a nonprofit organization in New York.

“In a way, we don’t value our children enough,” 

says Syed, who now works at Adelphi University’s Institute
for Adolescent Trauma Treatment and Training.


Samiha’s struggle

In the years before her death, Samiha suffered much of her mental health struggles in silence.

“She was very quiet in the sense that she would think very carefully before she spoke,” Bina says of her cousin. Samiha often did not share her feelings because she did not want to “burden” others.

When she was 16, Samiha attempted her first suicide. She tried to overdose on Tylenol. Soon after, Samiha moved in with Bina’s family.

“We would get on each others’ nerves, and then we would be ordering a bunch of junk food and watching movies together,” Bina recalls.

Exactly one month before her death, on Oct. 2, 2016, Samiha posted on social media about how her depression and anxiety often made it difficult for her to get out of bed.

“i just want to remind everyone — especially those with mental illness — that it’s okay to let yourself cry, get sad about things, and feel things intensely,” she wrote on her private Instagram account.

“i also want to remind everyone to be more understanding of those with mental illness,” she continued. “ … just because you cant see the pain doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”

On the day she took her life, Samiha failed her driving test. Perhaps it acted as a trigger — in addition to other struggles she had been facing, such as a fallout with her former boyfriend. She messaged him, saying she would “do something stupid.” He panicked and contacted Annie, who was unable to reach Samiha on the phone. She turned to Bina.

That is when Bina called Samiha, and pleaded with her to come home. Instead, in a few hours, she would find herself at the hospital, giving the news to Samiha’s parents, who were one of the last to arrive. Samiha had died after jumping in front of the 7 train at a Jackson Heights subway stop.


In her years living at Bina’s house, Samiha would miss her mother, who continued to live with her father in a different section of Queens. Samiha’s mother did not agree to an interview for this article.

According to Bina, Samiha’s mother moved out of her husband’s house within a few days of her daughter’s death. She had plans to file for divorce, Bina says, and now acknowledges that what happened to her daughter was the result of her husband’s abuse. They don’t know where Samiha’s father has been since they last saw him the day after his daughter’s funeral, and he could not be reached for comment.

But her realization came too late. Samiha often felt that her mother had let her down. She was not supportive of Samiha when she learned about the abuse. She didn’t let Samiha go to the police either.

Survivors in the South Asian American community often don’t report abuse by family members, as they worry that it might affect their immigration status, says Hiral Patel, a psychotherapist who until recently worked at Raksha, an organization that works with survivors of sexual abuse in Atlanta’s South Asian community.

In Samiha’s mother’s case, it was religion. Samiha’s family practices Islam.

“She felt she had a religious duty as a wife to stay by him,” 

Bina says.

Another reason for not reporting abuse is the protection of family honor, which is considered sacred. This often discourages children — or wives — from questioning authority figures. That fear is bigger when the perpetrator is the breadwinner of the family, as it was in Samiha’s case.

“A lot of the times, children won’t report these cases because they’re afraid to bring shame to their family, or because they think they’ll dishonor their family,” Patel says.

“When you look at minority groups, there seems to be more focus on shame and maintaining traditional values. They don’t talk about sex, and this shame is more prominent in the South Asian community,” says Nagaraj, the research scientist at George Washington.


Speaking up - Zainab's story

Zainab* remembers it as the summer she began wearing pajamas to bed.

“I was 10, about to turn 11,” Zainab recalls. “I remember because it was right before my birthday.”

Her grandfather was visiting from Pakistan, where Zainab’s parents are from. He was staying with her family in California.

“My grandmother had just passed away,” she says. “Earlier, whenever they visited, they would sleep in my room. This time, he was alone, so he would sleep on a mattress on the floor — as he always did — in my room, and my parents never thought twice about it. Why would you?”

One night, when they all had gone to sleep, her grandfather moved from the mattress to the bed, lifted her nightdress, and began kissing her.

Please continue reading this story at: The Lily.

Sunday, 17 December 2017

A Survivor's Story - Coming Out Cost Him Everything

Generally, 'coming out', or speaking about having been sexually abused as a child is a positive, even necessary step in a survivor's journey. Initially, however, it can be very painful and even destructive. Thoughts and emotions can be extremely hard to deal with, especially if there is no counselling to help. 

‘He was obsessed with me and would touch me’

ABUSE survivor Muller wanted to tell his story, but in doing so he “lost everything”. This is his story, one remarkably similar to so many others.

Megan Palin@megan_palin news.com.au

A SYDNEY child abuse survivor who gave evidence at the Royal Commission into related incidents says he’s not yet sure if it was worth the personal cost.

Dean Muller, 44, was subjected to years of sexual abuse by a St Marys Band Club official from the time he was 14 until he was 18 years old.

It wasn’t until last year that he reported the incidents to police. The alleged offender was charged and the case went to court. But according to Mr Muller, the judge ruled there wasn’t enough physical evidence to convict the man, and he was set free.

Mr Muller was one of 8000 survivors of child sex abuse survivors who provided testimonies to the Royal Commission into Institution Responses to Child Sexual Abuse, which delivered its final 17-volume report and 189 recommendations on Friday, following a wide-ranging investigation.

While the country’s longest-running inquiry might be now over, the memories of what brought many of the survivors of child abuse to testify, continue to haunt them.

“He was obsessed with me ... he would touch me,” Mr Muller told news.com.au on Friday.

“I remember him saying he was just seeing if he was that way inclined.”

Mr Muller cried as he recalled the “constant” assaults as a young drummer in the band. The elite group travelled to perform internationally it was on those occasions the official would ensure Mr Muller was “billeted with him”.

Dean Muller at age 15, when the abuse began.

“I went for days without sleep in Indonesia because I was too frightened to sleep because I knew what he would do at night time,” he said.

Mr Muller said the alleged offender would “pin (him) down” then sexually assault him. But it “wasn’t a one-off thing” and would also take place at home.

“He used to follow me home from school,” Mr Muller said. “Sometimes I’d hide in the bush."

“Even when I left school in Year 10 and started my apprenticeship, he would wait outside my work and follow me home.”

According to Mr Muller, the man was much bigger, and terrified him. “He would say he could destroy my drumming career,” he said.

“It was very standoverish. He knew I was too frightened to say anything to anybody.”

Lost Everything

The father-of-two said he “lost everything” after last year reporting the historical sex abuse he experienced at the hands of the band official.

“I don’t think anybody knows what happens to the survivors after they come forward, not even the Royal Commission,” he said.

Mr Muller said the strain caused his marriage to break down and created a domino effect which then saw him lose his house, children and job.

“I had to have time off work to go to court and then work dismissed me,” he said. “Everyone claims they care about the child abuse survivors but no one really did anything to help when I told my story and everything came crashing down.”

The professional drummer also found it difficult to continue his music career. “I had a career in drumming ... at a world level ... these days I can't even pick up a pair of sticks,” he said.

Mr Muller, a welder by trade, said he was slowly trying to get back on his feet but that it was unlikely he’d ever be the same again. He currently lives in a granny flat out the back of his parents’ place in western Sydney and is picking up regular welding work.

Shine Lawyers national abuse law manager Lisa Flynn told news.com.au Muller’s story was “not an individual tragedy. It’s a national one,” Ms Flynn said.

“I’ve dealt with hundreds of cases of abuse that showcase the range of attacks and the lack of responsibility across institutions at the time of the abuse.”

Ms Flynn said the Commission had given victims a voice. “No person, whether old or young should ever have to go through the torture of abuse and live a life that is forever impacted by this assault on one’s freedom,” she said.

“No single recommendation or group of recommendations can be expected to achieve total protection of kids across the country. Every safety measure must be considered and, depending on the institution, the relevant recommendations must be legislated to bring a guaranteed improvement to the safety of children.”

The final report for the $500 million royal commission concluded there was “no simple explanation for why child sexual abuse has occurred in a multitude of institutions”.

“However, we have identified a number of ways in which institutions may, inadvertently or otherwise, enable or create opportunities for abuse,” the report read.

The recommendations included the federal government setting up a mechanism to oversee the development and implementation of a national strategy to prevent child sexual abuse.

“This work should be undertaken by the proposed National Office for Child Safety and be included in the National Framework for Child Safety,” the report read.

The royal commission, announced by then prime minister Julia Gillard in 2012, held its first public hearing in September 2013 and sat for 444 days in public.

According to the commission, tens of thousands of children were allegedly abused in more than 4000 institutions, but the true number would never be known. It heard from more than 1300 witnesses in public hearings and was contacted by more than 15,000 survivors or their relatives.

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull said the commission had “exposed a national tragedy”.

It's more than that; it's a global tragedy. It happens in most institutions where there are children in every country. Every country needs an inquiry like this to expose the extent of the evil. It is breathtaking in scope and it is mostly being ignored at the expense of pain, suffering, and the destruction of millions of children.



Saturday, 18 November 2017

6 Stories, All from Islands or Peninsulas on Today's Global PnP List

Three women reveal monk on Caldey Island sexually abused them for decades
By Nicole Rojas

The Monastery on Caldey Island, Wales, circa 1935. Fox Photos/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Three women have come forward to allege they were sexually abused by a monk living on Caldey Island, off the Welsh Coast at Tenby. The women claim Father Thaddeus Kotik sexually abused them as children during the 1970s and 1980s.

In August 2016, the women launched civil proceedings against the Cistercian order for personal injuries. The court documents claim Kotik abused six girls between 1972 and 1987 while at the Italianate Abbey of Our Lady and St Samson. However, the women believe there may be more victims.

Kotik, a former soldier with the Free Polish army during WWII, was ordained a priest in the order 1956. According to the Guardian, Kotik appears to have never been questioned by police and died in 1992.

According to court documents, Kotik befriended families who visited the island, as well as the farming families who lived there full time. He would give them handmade chocolates and produce to gain the trust of the families.

Kotik is said to have lured girls to places where he would not be detected, including a room near the abbey's dairy and in isolated rocky coves by the beach. While babysitting children, he allegedly would pull sleepy girls towards him and sexually assault them.

Kotik also lured children to the monastery garage using a chest full of sweets. He would allow them to eat as many sweets as they wanted, lifted them to his lap, removed their clothes and sexually assaulted them, The Guardian reported.

Victims came forward

During that time, some children complained to their parents and complaints were also made to the head of the abbey.

One woman, identified as Emily by the Guardian, told then Abbot Robert O'Brien in the late 1980s about Kotik assaulting her. O'Brien ordered Kotik to remain inside the monastery, though Kotik regularly managed to escape and abuse children.

When Emily again reported the abuse in 1990 to her Catholic school principal in Swansea, the principal wrote to O'Brien about the abuse. O'Brien pleaded leniency for Kotik and said he believed that the contact between Kotik and children was "touches through their clothes".

However, women who spoke to the Guardian said the abuse was penetrative in at least two of the cases.

Another woman, Charlotte, reported being abused along with her older sister when their family visited Caldey Island from Scotland. The girls reported the abuse to their principal at St Phillip's Christian College in Newcastle, New South Wales.

Charlotte told the Guardian that deputy principal Richard Rule prayed for the students and told them they "didn't need to talk of this again because God has forgiven everyone".

Good grief!

In 2014, Charlotte wrote a letter to the school's current principal, Graeme Irwin, expressing her frustration that Rule failed to report the abuse to police.

"Back when my sister and I came forward, the perpetrator was still ALIVE. He could have been dealt with by the law and incarcerated," she said.

Fear not! He is being dealt with.

Rule admitted that Charlotte told him about the abuse, but claimed he was unaware he was meant to report suspected child sex abuse.

Charlotte also wrote a letter to current abbot, Brother Daniel van Santvoort, who acknowledged Kotik's abuse and said he had previously heard allegations against Kotik.

According to the Guardian, Van Santvoort forwarded Charlotte's emails to Tenby police, which contacted her. Despite writing a formal statement and submitting it to them, she heard nothing more.

Pursuing legal action

Van Santvoort flew to Australia, where Charlotte and her family live, to personally apologise. However, Charlotte decided to pursue legal action. She and her sister were joined by two cousins who had also been abused by Kotik.

The case against Caldey Abbey sought acknowledgement, apology and compensation. It argued the abbey knew about the abuse and failed to report Kotik to police. The abbey claimed otherwise, invoking the statute of limitations and claiming it was impossible for it to get a fair trial.

The Guardian reported that the six plaintiffs accepted meagre compensations payments and did not receive an apology.

Caldey Island, Wales




Old Jersey man in court on child abuse charges
Jersey Evening Post

A 77-YEAR-OLD man charged with 12 counts of historical sexual abuse against three young girls appeared in the Magistrate’s Court on Friday.

Wilfred Stanley Morrish, of Le Marais, St Clement, is accused of eight counts of indecent assault, three counts of procuring an act of gross indecency and one of attempted rape.

He is also charged with one count of assaulting a child.

All of the alleged offences occurred between the early 1970s and early 1980s.

Mr Morrish is also accused of three counts of possessing indecent images of children on a disk in July this year.

He reserved his plea to all counts and was released on bail.

Assistant Magistrate Peter Harris declined jurisdiction.

The case is due to be formally committed to the Royal Court on 28 December.





South Korea not doing enough to protect women:
Human Rights Watch
Debra Killalea@DebKillalea news.com.au

SOUTH Korea may score highly when it comes to global economic and democracy ratings, but the Asian powerhouse gets a big thumb’s down in one key area.

The Republic of Korea has been named and shamed over its failure to adequately protect women from discrimination, sexual abuse and violence.

Human Rights Watch senior researcher in the Women’s Rights Division, Heather Barr said the Weinstein allegations had struck a real chord in South Korea with women sharing their own experiences of sexual harassment and assault online.

This week the South Korean government announced it will crack down on workplaces that fail to address harassment claims, warning of potential prison terms. However, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to everyday life for many women living in the world’s 11th biggest economy.

South Koreans take part in a protest in August which urge tech giants to work harder to curb hi-tech sex crimes. Picture: Jung Yeon-Je/AFP

According to HRW, South Korea also had a serious problem with violence against women with 80 per cent of the country’s men admitting to physically or psychologically abusing a female partner.

The country also ranks 116th out of 144 in global gender equality rankings.

Alarmingly, South Korea had the third-highest rate at 52.5 per cent, of female murder victims in the world, a United Nations Office of Drugs and Crime report in 2014 revealed.

According to Ms Barr, the figures were down, in part to “the murder of women by intimate partners and the government’s failure to effectively enforce laws against domestic violence”.

The UN report showed that Asia had the highest of number of women killed by intimate partners or family members with 19,700 killed in 2012. This compared to 13,400 in Africa, 6900 in the Americas, 3300 in Europe and 200 in Oceania.

However, overall homicide rates in South Korea, which has a population of 51.25 million people, were among the lowest in the world — below one per 100,000 people in 2012, the UN report said.

‘CRYING WITH SHAME’

Last week footage showed Korean nurses reportedly “crying with shame” while being forced to perform a “sexy dance” wearing skimpy outfits in front of high-ranking officials.

The Korean Nurses Association called for a thorough investigation of Hallym University’s Sacred Heart Hospital, located in the northern city of Chuncheon.

South Korean nurses said they were forced to dance to comfort patients. Picture: Korea TimesSource:Supplied

According to the Korea Times, a nurse posted a complaint on social media, along with photos and video of nurses in short pants and tube tops performing a sexually suggestive dance during an annual sports event last month.

Other nurses came forward to claim they were also asked to perform similar dances for events held throughout the year meant to “comfort” patients.

Writing for HRW, Ms Barr said while the new laws protecting women were welcome they didn’t go far enough to address the problem many still faced. She also criticised government guidelines, intended for high-school teachers, that women risked rape if they go on dates with men that pay for an expensive meal as they may expect sex.

The behaviour of some South Korean men, especially towards women, has come under the spotlight in recent months. A growing community of ultra-right-wing South Korean men have been sharing their beliefs online for some time on their own website to avoid having the content deleted.

Ilbe Storehouse, which translates to daily best, is now the 24th most popular website in all of South Korea, receiving close to 30.8 million visits in August this year alone. Hate speech against women was the driving force for majority of the site’s content.

In August this year, South Korean women staged a protest to urge tech giants including Google, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter to work harder to curb hi-tech sex crimes in Seoul.

There were 7325 requests to have intimate videos removed from the internet were made last year in South Korea, according to government figures, a sevenfold increase in only four years.

It wouldn’t be the first time women’s rights have come under the spotlight in South Korea. Last year, the government was slammed over an online website which revealed the number of women in child-bearing age by each city district and region.

The Ministry of the Interior unveiled a pink birth map which critics said shamed women who didn’t have children. The website was pulled down within hours following the backlash, the Associated Press reported.

Lee Min-kyung, a 24-year-old feminist writer was among those who slammed the website which the government said was designed to increase the public’s understanding of the country’s low birth rate.

“I felt so angered that it blatantly showed how the government saw women’s bodies as the country’s reproductive tools, not belonging to the woman,” she said.





'NO EVIDENCE' Claims that children as young as primary school age are being sold for sex on streets of Glasgow blasted by Roma group
By Mary McCool

An investigation claimed yesterday that the problem had been ongoing in Nicola Sturgeon’s constituency for a decade but Friends of Romano Lav has branded the publication “spurious and unevidenced”.


It was reported by The Times that community groups in Govanhill, one of Scotland’s most deprived areas, said Roma children are being sold by parents and relatives.

Locals say they have have seen girls and boys propositioning people as they walk through the streets at night.

Specialist agencies, social workers, community representatives and residents also believe that authorities have failed to take action for fear of being branded racist.

I sooo hate that! The very people who should be protecting our children are sacrificing them on the altar of political correctness. What an incredible shame!

Cops say child sex exploitation enquiries were carried out ten years ago, while local councillors formally flagged the issue in 2015.

But yesterday Friends of Romano Lav said in the four years it has run services in Govanhill, it has not encountered any instances of child sex abuse.

The group released a statement which read: “Friends of Romano Lav (FoRL), as an organisation supporting Roma communities who stay in Govanhill, Glasgow has been deeply concerned regarding these spurious and unevidenced allegations.

“FoRL has been actively working with Roma families and young people in Govanhill for more than four years. During all this time we have not encountered any instances of the child protection issues described.”

The statement continued: “Whilst we would certainly encourage all members of the public to report any suspicious activity involving children to the relevant authorities, we are deeply concerned about the current negative reporting for the following three reasons:

“Issues of child protection should not be racialised as this is unhelpful and damaging to the community relations and cohesion.

“If supported and credible evidence exists of illegal activity – and we are very sceptical about this fact – it should be taken directly to the police, not to news reporters.

“Such reporting in the mainstream media is harmful to ongoing community development work in the local area by groups like FoRL.

“In moving forwards, we would suggest there needs to be a clear statement from Police Scotland, social work and any other relevant agencies and authorities on what evidence there is – if any exists – for the recent claims.”

A police statement in 2007 confirmed that at least six instances of child abuse had been reported.

Olive Arens, the chief executive of Up-2-Us, a government-funded charity that works with vulnerable teenagers, was told the abuse was an “urban myth” when she flagged concerns.

In 2015 Crosshill and Govanhill community council recorded that “an issue had been raised regarding child prostitution within Govanhill” and that children were seen to be “wandering the streets at night” in its minutes.

Social work also said parents were “using their own kids”.





Claim: Authorities Failing as Birmingham Faces ‘Tsunami’ of Child Sex Abuse
by LIAM DEACON


The UK’s second city, Birmingham, could “explode” in a “tsunami of child sexual exploitation” with ruthless men even using tasers on young girls to facilitate gang rape, a politician with knowledge of the area warned.

Conservative councillor Des Flood suggested that parents could have been kept in the dark about the dangers faced by their children.

“I am worried there is a tsunami of child sexual exploitation waiting to explode across this city,” the representative of the Bartley Green ward said, according to the Birmingham Mail.

His was criticizing Birmingham City Council’s handling of child sexual exploitation after West Midlands Police arrested a suspected gang member for three schoolgirl rapes. He was bailed on every occasion, however.

The Birmingham Mail claims that 14 suspected gang members had been arrested for alleged sex offences against under-age girls.

Mr. Flood continued: “Young people, especially girls, are being sexually exploited on a daily basis. Some of this sexual exploitation is clearly linked to gangs.

“Schools are a vital part of our eyes and ears in the local community, on the ground, to identify vulnerable young people, especially in terms of concerns about child sexual exploitation.

“I know of cases whereby local schools in our community have done their duty and referred serious cases of child sexual exploitation about pupils to children’s services.

“But (neither) these schools nor their parents and carers have been invited to multi-agency child sexual exploitation meetings.”

He told another Councilor that the situation was a “disgrace,” adding:

“Can you please ensure that no further child sexual exploitation meetings take place in this city which involve school pupils without the schools and, indeed, parents and carers invited to be an equal partner at the table?

“I still believe there is a serious failing in sharing information amongst agencies, especially with regards to children’s services.”

Councillor Flood also told the meeting he had heard from residents other appalling claims which had never been included in official children’s services reports.

“I know of reports where residents have reported that young girls have been tasered and gang-raped,” he said.

This information appears to have been diluted and not shared in reports.

“I know of one young girl who has had three social workers within the space of two months, two within the same month.

“I believe there are serious gaps that need to be closed, that vulnerable young people in this city, especially girls, are falling through the gaps.

“Is there an institutionalized attitude in children’s services to keep a lid on sharing information and therefore diluting the seriousness of child sexual exploitation against vulnerable children in our city?”





Bengaluru teen to address MPs on child sex abuse
A Survivor's Story


By  Soumya Chatterjee

Seventeen-year-old Bengaluru girl Kanaka had planned to attend a science exhibition on Sunday in the city, just like she would do every other weekend.

Instead she will now be leaving for New Delhi to address our parliamentarians on issues affecting children across the country as part of a United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) initiative on November 20.

Kanaka and four other children from all over India will be speaking to the lawmakers on the occasion of International Children’s Day. Kanaka was selected to speak as part of the children’s takeover of the ‘Parliamentarians’ Group of Children’ programme. The five were selected after a thorough screening process.

While this alone makes it commendable, the 17-year-old’s difficult childhood only makes the selection praiseworthy.

Born to a low-income Tamil family in a Bengaluru slum, Kanaka was forced to fend for herself very early in her life. Not only that, she had to look after her disabled father and two younger siblings after her mother passed away due to cancer when Kanaka was just 11 years old. She also had to leave school after class 4, even though she was a good student, and start working.

Kanaka began working as a domestic help in homes and wedding halls during which she was subjected to sexual and other forms of abuse. Despite her horrific situation, she did not lose her confidence. She worked hard to ensure that she had a better life, not just for herself for also for others.

While working as a cleaner in a Yeshwantpur wedding hall, she was rescued by members of Sparsha, a child rights NGO, and currently lives with the organisation.

When TNM met Kanaka, the super-achiever appeared to be soft-spoken and shy. Dressed in a white salwar kameez with neatly braided hair, the bright-eyed girl spoke calmly but with a quiet confidence and clarity seldom associated with a teenager. 

Speaking about laws against child labour and child marriage, Kanaka says, “There are many laws meant for children, but they are not thoroughly implemented.”

Karnataka sees some of the highest number of child marriages in the country. When asked about this, Kanaka explains that a major part of the crisis is due to lack of awareness.

“I will speak about child abuse which I have experienced in my life. This is not a problem that just I have faced, but it is faced by every girl child. I want to tell the MPs what it takes to stop child sexual abuse,” Kanaka says.

“Before, when I was abused, I used to sit quietly and not speak up. I did not know we have rights – the right to life, right to education. Now, I am fighting to make every girl and boy aware of this. We have to make everybody aware of this,” she adds.

Other than her goal of making people aware of child rights, Kanaka says that she aims to become a scientist. She currently studies science in PU-I at BGS School.

Apart from school and science workshops, Kanaka also spends her time practicing Yakshagana and Kolata, two ancient art forms of Karnataka.

Gopinath, a trustee at Sparsha, is full of praise for her. “Kanaka is not only a good student but a leader. She takes care of younger kids at the home and is a role model. Unlike many who are abused, she is very extroverted and always learning new things,” he says.

However, Kanaka is worried about her siblings. Her brother left home and has become addicted to drugs. The situation is similar with her sister, who she says is deeply traumatised due to abuse and has left the NGO despite multiple attempts to rescue her.

Child abuse in India and how you can help fight it

Despite stringent laws against child abuse, the problem is rampant in India. Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Often children are abused in the confines of their homes.

A report by the Union Ministry of Women and Child Development estimated 50 million girls and 73 million boys under 18 were victims of child sexual abuse. The study also found that 69% of children reported to have been physically abused. Out of these 54.68% were boys

So, if 55% of boys report being abused and 69% of all children report being abused than the percentage of girls being sexually abused must be about 83%.

52.91% of boys and 47.09 % of girls reported having been abused in their family environment. Of the children who were abused in family situations, 88.6% were abused by their parents.

This ratio is pretty unlikely. I suspect that a large number of girls in the study either refused to disclose abuse or were unable to for one of many reasons. I believe the real percentage of girls abused should have been >80%.

More recently in May 2017, out of 45,000 plus children of 12-18 years surveyed by an NGO, revealed that half of them were victims of child sexual abuse. According to the survey, one in four families do not report incidences of child abuse.

Again, many children will not report child sex abuse until they are adults, if then.

If you find any child being abused in any form, you should get in touch with the local police and also call Childline (1098) which works across India. There are also numerous aid organisations and NGOs which work to rescue and rehabilitate children.