Great Resources For Domestic Abuse Survivors

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Safe Moves: Tips For Domestic Abuse Survivors

Guest article by Nora Hood

http://threedaily.org/

Photo via Pixabay

Every day in America, millions of people suffer in abusive relationships within their own homes. Both men and women battle physical, mental, and emotional abuse, some with violent outcomes, and many of them have children who are caught in the middle. What’s worse is that children are also oftentimes victims of sexual or other physical abuse, making it even more critical for parents to remove themselves and their little ones out of harm’s way.

If you are in an abusive situation, it’s important to know that you are not alone and that while taking steps to get away safely may be scary at first, it will ultimately help you start a new life in which you are in control. Having a plan in place is essential, of course. If you are worried about your partner becoming violent with you or your children upon learning that you want to leave, it’s important to keep your decision to yourself until the very last minute. Pinpoint one person you know you can trust who can help you pack and remove your belongings from the home quickly and safely.

Keep reading for more tips on how to stay safe when leaving an abusive situation from

Northwoods Save a Child.

Create a plan

Starting with a detailed plan is essential. Before you start looking for a place to live, you need to figure out how you will get away safely, especially if you have kids. Figure out the logistics of leaving: how long will it take to get your belongings out of the home? What will you do if your partner discovers that you’re leaving? How much money will you need in the first week and month? Think about the details so you can create a backup plan just in case.

Talk to your children

If you have children, it’s imperative that you talk to them about the plan ahead of time, as long as they are old enough to understand. Formulate a plan of action and go over it several times to make sure everyone is on the same page. Do they know where to go after school on the day you’re leaving? Who will pick them up? If they’ll be with you, what will they do if an argument between you and your partner escalates? It can be difficult to talk about these things with little ones, but making sure they know how to react is essential.

Look for a place to go

If you have the means to buy or rent a home, you’ll need to begin the process of looking for the best place weeks or months in advance. Know how much you have for your rental or purchase budget, then consider factors like a property’s price, location, size, and proximity to your loved ones and child’s school. If you’re worried about your partner following you or finding out where you live, look for a place that has a clear entry/exit and isn’t isolated. Having neighbors close by is also a good thing.

Know your rights

Survivors of domestic abuse have certain rights that vary from state to state, including those regarding custody of children, workplace environments, and housing. Do some research online to get familiar with the laws in your area, and if possible, document the abuse you’ve suffered. Talk to a counselor or therapist who can back you up in court if necessary. Not only will this help should legal issues arise, it will also help your state of mind to be able to talk to someone about everything you’ve been through.

Getting safely away from an abuser is never easy; it takes an inner strength and courage that many people don’t even think they have. The important thing to remember is that you are strong, and that taking these steps now will help you create a better life for you and your family.

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Here are some more resources from Nora that you might find very helpful:

15 Signs Of Domestic Violence That Aren’t Physical

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/10/173685/types-of-abuse-in-a-relationship

How to Exit an Abusive Relationship Safely

https://www.verywellmind.com/making-a-safety-plan-to-escape-abusive-relationship-5069959

Homebuying Guide For Victims Of Domestic Violence

https://www.mortgagecalculator.org/helpful-advice/domestic-violence-victims.php

Domestic Violence and PTSD

https://blackbearrehab.com/mental-health/ptsd/domestic-violence-and-ptsd/

How to Heal From Emotional Abuse in Relationships: Therapist Approved Strategies

https://mindwellnyc.com/how-to-heal-from-emotional-abuse-in-relationships/

Helping Children Cope After a Traumatic Event

https://childmind.org/guide/helping-children-cope-traumatic-event/

Thank you,

Nora Hood

Threedaily.org

nora@threedaily.org

Two Dreadful Stories of Child Abuse from Russia

These stories are not easy to read and should be avoided

by PTSD vulnerable people

Russia stunned by story of 7-year-old girl

‘tortured’ for months by aunt

Even doctors couldn’t hold back tears after a seven-year-old girl with countless bruises, burns and bites all over her body, was delivered to them. The child had been allegedly tortured for months by her own aunt.

video 0:59

Footage from a medical examination at a hospital in the southern Republic of Ingushetia has shocked Russia after being uploaded online earlier this week. “This is a phlycten [internal abscess]; look, this is a bite and those are scars – old and new ones. This hand is cold, it could be amputated,” one of the doctors says in the clip. “It’s like a horror movie,” his colleague added off-screen, commenting on the terrible state of their young patient.

Aisha was brought to hospital by her aunt, who claimed that the child was injured after falling into a cesspit a week before that. She also explained that the girl had also sustained burns earlier on, from accidentally sitting on a hot pot cooking soup.

The woman only sought medical help after it became clear that her niece Aisha couldn’t move her arms on her own anymore. The improvised bandages she’d put on the child’s hands only worsened her condition, causing vascular occlusion and putting the child’s left hand at risk of amputation. The girl was swiftly sent for surgery after further tests showed that her left arm was broken and gangrene had developed in the right one.

Police didn’t believe the aunt’s explanations and detained her on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm to a minor. The 35-year-old denied any wrongdoing, insisting that it was all an accident. The court later ruled that she be placed in custody for two months, pending an investigation. Her own two sons, who didn’t manifest any signs of abuse, were also taken into protective custody.

The gruesome details of what is, on the face of it, child abuse, have shocked not only the urban residence and the town the family lived in, but also the whole country.

The media discovered that the woman had already served time for causing grievous bodily harm in the past. She was also raising her niece Aisha without any of the proper paperwork. The girl’s father had been granted custody over the child after a divorce, but had left her with his sister while he traveled for work.

Questions are now being asked how child welfare services could have missed the case. Neighbors told RT that they never heard any screams or other alarming noises coming from the house of Aisha’s aunt. Many added that they never knew a girl was living there, as they’d only seen the boys outside.

The surgery on Aisha went on for three hours and doctors remained hopeful that they could save her arm. Local bloggers who visited her in her ward, said that the girl was feeling happy at the hospital despite her poor state. She clearly wasn’t used to being cared-about, as doctors and nurses brought her chocolate and ice cream.

Ingushetia’s child ombudswoman, Zarema Chakhieva, described Aisha as “the kindest child,” who tries to answer positively to all questions. Chakhieva told RT that the girl sometimes remembers the torture, but also says that she still loves her aunt.

On Friday, the girl was flown to Moscow to the clinic of Russia’s top child surgeon, Leonid Roshal. There, a detailed check revealed traces of old rib fractures and injuries to the spine, but Roshal said that Aisha wouldn’t require any new operations.

Russia’s human rights ombudswoman, Tatyana Moskalkova, has called what happened to Aisha a “flagrant” case of domestic violence and vowed to closely monitor the girl’s case. She also urged to introduce a federal law tackling abuse in the family.

Young boy wounded protecting mom from drunken ex-con dies not knowing she abandoned him

Ivan Krapivin © VK.com Группа памяти Крапивина Ивана

Heroic teenager, Ivan Krapivin, who received horrific head wounds in an attempt to protect his mom from a drunken neighbor, has died in hospital after over a year in a coma. He never learned that his mother gave up on him.

Ivan’s story has touched the hearts of many across Russia after being aired on state TV. Numerous people raised money and offered their assistance to facilitate the boy’s recovery, but the miracle everybody hoped for was not to happen.

“Ivan departed into a better world today. It’s impossible to accept this or be ready for this,” the sad message, which appeared in a social media group dedicated to the teen on Tuesday, read.

The boy from the northern city of Severodvinsk has been fighting for his life since May last year when a drunken party, involving his mother and her shared apartment neighbor, ended in a tragedy. There was a quarrel and the former convict attacked the woman with a dumbbell and a knife, delivering her several stab wounds.

14-year-old Ivan rushed to his mom’s rescue without any hesitation, but he was no match for the grown man, who already served time for murder. The brave boy collapsed after receiving three heavy blows to his head with a dumbbell.

Ivan was taken to hospital in regional capital Archangelsk and then transferred to Saint Petersburg. The young hero underwent several surgeries and miraculously survived, but the damaged done to his health was immense. The teen was missing the front of his skull; had part of his brain removed, while one of his eyes was dented.

The police detained the attacker and he went to trial on charges of attempted murder of two people. The judges sentenced him to 14.5 years in prison and ordered to pay a compensation of 1 million rubles (around $15,000) to his victims.

Ivan’s story was already heartbreaking, but it somehow got even worse. Several months later, the media revealed that the teen’s mother, who recovered from her wounds, has given up on her son and never visited him in hospital.

She was eventually deprived of her parental rights, while the custody over Ivan was given to his older brother.

The woman later appeared on a prime-time talk show on Rossiya 1 and asked the audience to forgive her. She confessed to having problems with alcohol and said she was ready to go to rehab.

Despite Ivan’s death, Russia’s Investigative Committee said that it’ll continue its probe into the incident so that all those responsible face punishment. The investigations have some serious questions for child services, district police, and corrections officers, who somehow allowed a woman with an underage child to live under the same roof with a former convict. The family was housed in a shared apartment after their shabby home was demolished as part of a renovation program. 

If only parents and caregivers were half as heroic as children...

Florida Sued Over Allegations of Sexual, Physical, Mental Abuse at Women's Prison

© Lowell Correctional Institution 

The State of Florida faces a lawsuit over allegations that it subjected inmates at a women's prison to sexual, mental and physical abuse. Former prisoners spoke to RT about the demeaning and illegal treatment they received from the facility's employees.

When Crystal Harper arrived at Lowell Correctional Institution, the largest women's prison in the US, she expected to serve her time and follow the judge's sentencing orders. However, trouble began less than 24 hours into her five-year sentence.

“It was a means of legal prostitution. He (prison employee) grabbed my butt and told me 'this is going to be mine.' Just that fast. I hadn't even been in prison for 24 hours,” Harper told RT.

Feeling as though she had no one to turn to, Harper gave the prison employees what they wanted – every day for five years.

“Either you play their game or you get raped,” she said.

Recalling some of the typical proposals she received every day, Harper said that prison staff would often approach her with questions such as “What do I have to do to get my **** ****** around here?”

She added that the way she was treated left a serious emotional toll, stating that she would lie in her bunk and night “realizing what [I] had to do that day, the day before, the week before...”

Harper is just one of many women who have filed a lawsuit against the state for their treatment at Lowell.

“I had a lieutenant come through, night shift, and write on the back of a notepad and hold it up to my window, a little note, numerous different times. One of them [said] 'get naked,' 'get doggy style,' 'get on all fours,' 'show me your vagina.' And he's not the only one,” former inmate Nicola Cruz said.

Medical abomination

Another former inmate, Tanya Yelvington, has a different story of abuse, alleging that the prison failed to respond to her health concerns in a timely manner. She recalled that it took her sister 16 months to convince authorities to examine Tanya’s breasts for cancer. By that point, the disease had seriously attacked her body.

When the state finally admitted that Yelvington needed surgery, they “butchered” it.

“The Department of Corrections was supposed to do a double mastectomy [but I got] literally butchered. They left all of this here. All of this is a chance for the cancer to come back in,” she told RT.

“I look in the mirror every day and see what they did to me, refused to fix me. How can you not hate such animals?” she asked, adding that the prison system is only concerned about saving money for the state – not about keeping the streets safe.

Doublespeak from official

The women are now suing the state of Florida for damages. But despite their allegations, prison warden Angela Gordon insists the prison is “not here to punish, that was the court's job.”

“We are here to ensure the inmates' safety, and ensure that they are returned to society in a better status than they were when they came to us,” she said during a telephone interview with RT.

However, the women's attorney, David A. Frankel, has called the prison's bluff.

“In the Deep South of the United States, there has been a history of ignoring people's civil rights. The Department of Corrections is still in that mentality of 'Listen, we're gonna do what we want to do. Don't question us,'” he told RT.

“And these officers feel the power to take advantage of people because they know the department isn't going to come in and investigate properly, and they believe no one will believe the inmates anyway,” Frankel added.

The astonishing suicide of Bernadette Gregory



LOWELL, FL, July 25, 2009 — A 42-year-old inmate at a state prison for women died last week in an apparent suicide.

The Lowell Annex, part of the larger Lowell Correctional Institution, is north of Ocala. Bernadette Gregory was serving a 14-month sentence at the annex for robbery, according to records from the Department of Corrections and the Marion County court clerk.

Gregory died on Wednesday. Authorities are investigating, and the official cause of death has not yet been determined, but DOC spokeswoman Gretl Plessinger said suicide is suspected.

Lowell inmates come from all parts of Florida, but Gregory had local roots. She was from Marion County and a local judge sentenced her to the prison term.

The Lowell Annex opened in 2002. Lowell Correctional Institution's roots date back to 1956.


LOWELL, FL, Dec 13, 2009 --- Bernadette Gregory was getting out of prison in eight months and planning her wedding when she was found hanging in a cell at Florida's Lowell Correctional Institution.

Prison authorities say Gregory, 42, tied a double knot in a sheet, twisted it several times around her top bunk, looped the other end around her neck and hanged herself.

Despite relying on a wheelchair to get around, she did all of this in 11 minutes — while she was handcuffed, a detail the Department of Corrections' investigative summary mentions only in passing.

Gregory's 2009 death is one of many that don't seem to add up but that have nevertheless been tucked away in the department's files, categorized as suicides, homicides, accidents or natural deaths.

With 320 inmate deaths tallied as of Dec 9, 2009, Florida's prison system is on track to have the deadliest year in its history. 


Threatened after release

But the fight against the state may not be an easy one. In fact, Harper said she felt forced to flee to Texas after she was followed by a man and her house was broken into. She speculated that the State of Florida could have been behind the incidents.

“I don't know if it was the state, I don't know who it was. I have no idea. The only thing that I could register in my mind is 'Crystal, you're going up against the State of Florida and you're still in Florida.’ Why wouldn't they try to hurt me or kill me?”

Frankel speculates that the case will take several years to resolve.