It’s one of the most debated topics when it comes to pornography: Is watching porn cheating?
Well we are here to tell you, yes. Looking at porn is cheating.
And it isn’t just cheating in romantic relationships. Porn is cheating on your family, your friends, and ultimately cheating on yourself. Pornography has serious harmful effects that make it extremely difficult to be the loving person you need to be for those most important in your life.
If you think about it, the majority of men and women aren’t proud of viewing porn. Regardless of whether or not they’ll admit it, most feel varying amounts of guilt, shame, or awkwardness about it. What makes us confident in saying that? Because think about it: people don’t lock the door or check their surroundings when they are about to flip open the pages of Home & Garden magazine do they? They don’t clear their online browsing history because they spent too much time watching skateboarding videos or looking at pictures of cool street art, right?
That’s why one of the main reasons that porn is cheating is because of all the secrecy and hiding that goes into it. There are few things that will tear apart a relationship as much as snooping around and keeping secrets. How could anyone feel complete trust for a partner who goes behind their back to watch other people have sex?
Pornography is taking something extremely personal and exploiting it as entertainment. When partners view porn, they aren’t sharing intimate moments with their partner, but instead having them alone with an inanimate object like a computer.
Because this much is clear: sex is natural, but watching it is not. And when you’ve committed yourself to loving and caring for another person, viewing porn runs counter to your responsibility to love your partner.
Perhaps we’ve heard or made the excuses: “Nobody gets hurt. It only has to do with me.” But that simply is not true. How about all the women in the porn industry that are being abused, threatened, and coerced into being there? What about those caught in the sex-trafficking industry and have had porn made of them unwillingly?
What about the excuse, “It’s a healthy, natural release for me!” Not true either. Pornography rewires the pleasure sensors of your brain and has been proven to be as addictive as hard drugs. The ideal that porn is a healthy sexual behavior is perhaps one of the most twisted rationalizations of our day, one that science is consistently proving otherwise.
So then we come back to the original point. “Watching porn isn’t cheating.” Well another one of the main reasons this isn’t true is because when someone is viewing porn a hormone is released in their brain called oxytocin. Oxytocin is known to increase feelings of attachment, connection, and trust. Studies show that couples in a healthy and well-adjusted relationship exhibit much higher levels of oxytocin than those in a distressed relationship. Because the hormone is naturally released during sex, watching porn triggers the release of oxytocin as well, effectively bonding the person to that experience. Over time, the bond becomes stronger and stronger until it seems unbreakable.
So call us crazy, but when you are sexually bonding to something other than your partner, we would consider that cheating.
To sum it all up, we think that two people in a committed relationship is sexy. One person alone in front of their computer screen? Not so much.
Love, sex, and intimacy is something that should be shared with nothing and no one else but your partner.
We believe real love is sexy and that porn is just a cheap, hollow counterfeit of that.
One Girl's Battle with Pornography
Porn entered my life at a very young age. I was 13 when I had my first boyfriend. Throughout our relationship I learned about my boyfriend’s “habit.” He would describe the scenes he would see in the movies he would watch. Something about it made me feel uneasy in my mind and even queasy to my stomach.
I did not question him for months, until the day we decided to have sex for the first time. We tried to be intimate but he could not achieve an erection. So he ran downstairs to watch porn while I lay there waiting for him.
He came back up the stairs aroused but as soon as he laid next to me, he lost it. This was the moment when I realized I was in a war against pornography. I felt unworthy, ugly, and humiliated. He chose porn over me. I had asked him to stop watching it, but he never could. We never ended up having sex and I broke up with him a few months later.
From that relationship on, every single experience I had with a guy involved a battle with pornography. Pornography made me feel worthless. I was never good enough for these boys that I so deeply cared about. I began to develop intense anxieties when watching any movie with a sex scene, or a naked girl, or even a girl in a bikini. It got to the point where my boyfriends could no longer watch these movies because I was so deeply traumatized and hurt by my past experiences. What would they feel if they saw a naked girl? Would they feel aroused by her? Could I compete with the girl on the screen?
Eventually, this trauma turned around and was used against me in my own mind. I eventually came to the conclusion that I had to become “more” than these porn stars. I would have to try to compete with porn stars so that my boyfriend would never watch porn again. I tried to become the “best in bed.” I would sleep around with countless men to prove a point. But just like their porn, I was used and forgotten. I was simply a one night stand. That is what I was good for. I never knew how to say no to these boys. I wanted to, but I thought if I said no, they would find something better than me.
No matter how many men I cared for, no matter how much they told me how “beautiful” and “amazing” I was, I was in a constant battle with pornography. Men were constantly lying about their habits to me, and then I would always catch them in their lies. I spent so much time questioning them, until they finally gave in and admitted to these habits. And again, I would break down…
I fell in love with my soulmate last year. He is the sweetest and kindest guy I have ever met. I begged him from the beginning of our relationship to not watch pornography. He knew my stories. He knew my anxieties. He knew my fears. He heard me cry countless times about pornography. He knew I could not stand him watching. He promised me he would never ever hurt me like that. Yet, after a year of dating, I learned that he had been struggling with porn the whole time. After I had been fighting for over 11 years with pornography in my relationships, I just felt so hopeless. He knew about my struggles! How could he hurt me like this? How could he lie to me? How dare he make these empty promises that I believed? How could someone who I spilled my heart and soul to turn against me?
Fortunately, my boyfriend stopped watching pornography after that day, but my wounds are still very much healing. It took many, many months to start moving past this deep seeded wound. I love him so much and I had to come to realize that if I love him, I won’t just walk away. Some relationships are worth working for. I will forgive him and I will teach him, and everyone else who will listen, the harmful truths about pornography.
I am so thankful that I came across FTND - Fight the New Drug. Please, please, please… I BEG YOU ALL… continue the war against pornography. DO NOT GIVE IN. It will do no good for anyone. It damages the viewers, those that love them, and everyone involved.
Thanks for letting me share my story. Keep fighting!
- Fighter
Well we are here to tell you, yes. Looking at porn is cheating.
And it isn’t just cheating in romantic relationships. Porn is cheating on your family, your friends, and ultimately cheating on yourself. Pornography has serious harmful effects that make it extremely difficult to be the loving person you need to be for those most important in your life.
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| Letter to porn-watching dad |
That’s why one of the main reasons that porn is cheating is because of all the secrecy and hiding that goes into it. There are few things that will tear apart a relationship as much as snooping around and keeping secrets. How could anyone feel complete trust for a partner who goes behind their back to watch other people have sex?
Pornography is taking something extremely personal and exploiting it as entertainment. When partners view porn, they aren’t sharing intimate moments with their partner, but instead having them alone with an inanimate object like a computer.
Because this much is clear: sex is natural, but watching it is not. And when you’ve committed yourself to loving and caring for another person, viewing porn runs counter to your responsibility to love your partner.
Perhaps we’ve heard or made the excuses: “Nobody gets hurt. It only has to do with me.” But that simply is not true. How about all the women in the porn industry that are being abused, threatened, and coerced into being there? What about those caught in the sex-trafficking industry and have had porn made of them unwillingly?
What about the excuse, “It’s a healthy, natural release for me!” Not true either. Pornography rewires the pleasure sensors of your brain and has been proven to be as addictive as hard drugs. The ideal that porn is a healthy sexual behavior is perhaps one of the most twisted rationalizations of our day, one that science is consistently proving otherwise.
So then we come back to the original point. “Watching porn isn’t cheating.” Well another one of the main reasons this isn’t true is because when someone is viewing porn a hormone is released in their brain called oxytocin. Oxytocin is known to increase feelings of attachment, connection, and trust. Studies show that couples in a healthy and well-adjusted relationship exhibit much higher levels of oxytocin than those in a distressed relationship. Because the hormone is naturally released during sex, watching porn triggers the release of oxytocin as well, effectively bonding the person to that experience. Over time, the bond becomes stronger and stronger until it seems unbreakable.
So call us crazy, but when you are sexually bonding to something other than your partner, we would consider that cheating.
To sum it all up, we think that two people in a committed relationship is sexy. One person alone in front of their computer screen? Not so much.
Love, sex, and intimacy is something that should be shared with nothing and no one else but your partner.
We believe real love is sexy and that porn is just a cheap, hollow counterfeit of that.
One Girl's Battle with Pornography
Porn entered my life at a very young age. I was 13 when I had my first boyfriend. Throughout our relationship I learned about my boyfriend’s “habit.” He would describe the scenes he would see in the movies he would watch. Something about it made me feel uneasy in my mind and even queasy to my stomach.
I did not question him for months, until the day we decided to have sex for the first time. We tried to be intimate but he could not achieve an erection. So he ran downstairs to watch porn while I lay there waiting for him.
He came back up the stairs aroused but as soon as he laid next to me, he lost it. This was the moment when I realized I was in a war against pornography. I felt unworthy, ugly, and humiliated. He chose porn over me. I had asked him to stop watching it, but he never could. We never ended up having sex and I broke up with him a few months later.
From that relationship on, every single experience I had with a guy involved a battle with pornography. Pornography made me feel worthless. I was never good enough for these boys that I so deeply cared about. I began to develop intense anxieties when watching any movie with a sex scene, or a naked girl, or even a girl in a bikini. It got to the point where my boyfriends could no longer watch these movies because I was so deeply traumatized and hurt by my past experiences. What would they feel if they saw a naked girl? Would they feel aroused by her? Could I compete with the girl on the screen?
Eventually, this trauma turned around and was used against me in my own mind. I eventually came to the conclusion that I had to become “more” than these porn stars. I would have to try to compete with porn stars so that my boyfriend would never watch porn again. I tried to become the “best in bed.” I would sleep around with countless men to prove a point. But just like their porn, I was used and forgotten. I was simply a one night stand. That is what I was good for. I never knew how to say no to these boys. I wanted to, but I thought if I said no, they would find something better than me.
No matter how many men I cared for, no matter how much they told me how “beautiful” and “amazing” I was, I was in a constant battle with pornography. Men were constantly lying about their habits to me, and then I would always catch them in their lies. I spent so much time questioning them, until they finally gave in and admitted to these habits. And again, I would break down…
I fell in love with my soulmate last year. He is the sweetest and kindest guy I have ever met. I begged him from the beginning of our relationship to not watch pornography. He knew my stories. He knew my anxieties. He knew my fears. He heard me cry countless times about pornography. He knew I could not stand him watching. He promised me he would never ever hurt me like that. Yet, after a year of dating, I learned that he had been struggling with porn the whole time. After I had been fighting for over 11 years with pornography in my relationships, I just felt so hopeless. He knew about my struggles! How could he hurt me like this? How could he lie to me? How dare he make these empty promises that I believed? How could someone who I spilled my heart and soul to turn against me?
Fortunately, my boyfriend stopped watching pornography after that day, but my wounds are still very much healing. It took many, many months to start moving past this deep seeded wound. I love him so much and I had to come to realize that if I love him, I won’t just walk away. Some relationships are worth working for. I will forgive him and I will teach him, and everyone else who will listen, the harmful truths about pornography.
I am so thankful that I came across FTND - Fight the New Drug. Please, please, please… I BEG YOU ALL… continue the war against pornography. DO NOT GIVE IN. It will do no good for anyone. It damages the viewers, those that love them, and everyone involved.
Thanks for letting me share my story. Keep fighting!
- Fighter
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