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God bless you Erin, may you and your family enjoy a wonderful Christmas in spite of the memories that get in your way. Thank you for all you are doing for children in America.
Erin's Law
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I put this reminder out there every year and hope you will share.
The holidays are often a time of joy and happiness for many. For others it’s a time of sadness remembering a loved one not at the family gathering. Children are far more likely to be sexually abused by a family member then anyone else. Christmas is one holiday children who are being sexually abused get targeted. For many families they gather with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Making it easier for an abuser to find an opportunity to abuse a family member with the distraction of so much going on in one home.
Below are just some moments of childhood Christmases. The photo in the center was Christmas Eve 1997. I was surrounded by relatives as we opened presents while this photo was being taken. What you cannot tell from this photo is I had been locked in a bedroom just before this was photo was taken. I was being sexually abused by my older cousin. He trapped me in an upstairs bedroom. I was paralyzed with fear as I stood there and didn’t even know what to say because I already knew what he had come to do. The room was silent as you could hear the commotion of the rest of our large family celebrating downstairs. When I finally escaped that room after being abused I made my way downstairs as everyone was called to open presents. I remember sitting on that couch telling myself as long as I didn’t leave that room with all the adults he could not come after me again.
The thoughts racing through my head as I sat there opening presents and yet nobody had a clue what he had done. The looks he would give me from across the room. Little did I know he wasn’t done abusing me that night.
When it came time to leave on Christmas Eve my cousin’s parents were driving my sisters and I home. Tradition in our home we opened Christmas presents on Christmas Eve night instead of Christmas morning. My parents always left the party early to put the presents under the tree while another relative drove us home. Normally it was our grandparents but that Christmas it was my aunt and uncle. The abusive cousins parents. I was the last person to get in the minivan and every seat was taken. My cousin immediately said, “Erin can just sit on my lap.” I remember telling my younger sister to sit in our older sister’s lap but she wouldn’t and I found them all waiting on me to get in the car. I found myself with no other choice then to sit on his lap. Within minutes of the drive home my cousin slipped his hands under my dress and abused me the whole way home with his brother and my sister sitting right next to us totally unaware as I sat in silence the whole thirty minute drive home. I still remember the Christmas song playing on the radio when he started abusing me. I now turn it off every time it plays on the radio. When we arrived at our house my older sister couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. It was always a race with my sisters to who could get inside first and see what mom and dad bought us for Christmas. For me all that mattered was not the presents under the tree but getting away from that cousin of mine. That was the one Christmas in my childhood I never forgot what I wore due to the abuse I experienced that night.
A week after that Christmas I found myself locked in my cousin’s bedroom being held down as he abused me while our family was celebrating our grandpa’s birthday. Just as we could hear all our relatives downstairs singing happy birthday he whispered to me, “Remember this is our secret no one will believe you.”
So what is my point in telling you all of this? For some children the holidays are not the most joyful time of the year. So be alert parents just because you don’t think someone you know and trust within the family would ever harm your kids you can’t be 100% sure so talk to your kids about secrets and personal body safety even if you have already had the talk. Do it again! AND always keep a watchful eye on your children throughout the celebration. Keep checking in on them and know where they are.
Teachers when students come back from the winter break remind them if they ever need someone to talk to you’re a safe adult they can trust with anything. I cannot tell you how many times I have been told by teachers children disclosed in January after returning to school about being abused while on break.
- Erin Merryn
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