How to Talk to Your Children About Sex Abuse 'Early and Often'

Mary Bowerman , USA TODAY 

Golden_Brown, Getty Images/iStockphoto

When it comes to talking to your children about sex abuse, the motto should be start "early and often," according to Kimberlee D. Norris, co-founder of nationwide litigation practice, Love + Norris, which represents victims of child sexual abuse.

In many sexual abuse cases, the abuser is someone the child knows, and the parents may trust — like a coach, family member or even another child. Recently, The Indianapolis Star, which is part of the USA TODAY NETWORK, reported more than 360 cases in which gymnasts accused coaches of sexual transgressions over 20 years.

"The risk is anywhere that we gather children in any context," Norris said. "For the preferential offender who prefers a child as a sexual partner, any activity that gathers children becomes an attractive target."

But how do parents broach the subject of sexual abuse with their children? 

It doesn’t have to be an emotional sit-down talk about sex abuse, according to Shannon Self-Brown, a professor Georgia Statue University, and child clinical psychologist.

“There are things you can do from the moment you have your child that really start communicating about healthy relationships and boundaries with your body,” she said.

Here are a few tips about how to talk to your child about sexual abuse:

Use the correct terms for body parts

It may make you feel more comfortable to call your daughter’s vagina a coo-coo, and your son’s penis a pee-pee, but you should call their private parts by their correct name from the get-go.

“That way your child isn’t learning there is any shame or anything to be embarrassed about with their genitals or private parts,” Self-Brown said.

Talk to your child about touch 

Norris said that all abusive circumstances begin with barrier testing, when the abuser tries to figure out what the child will allow in terms of physical touch and "erode the sense of what is appropriate by repeated touch."

Parents should let their children know that there are people, and sometimes even relatives or those close to us, who have the wrong motive when they touch.

"You don't have to go into it in great length, but let your child know any place your bathing suit covers is only for you," Norris said.

You should continue to reiterate that your child’s private parts belong to them and them alone, according to Alice Sterling Honig, a  Professor Emerita of Child Development in the Department of Child and Family Studies at  Syracuse University.

Honig said parents can tell their children: “[Private parts] are supposed to be covered up when you are dressed, and no one should touch your privates except you, and you shouldn’t touch anyone else’s private parts,” Honig said. “It’s not right for grownups to fondle your private parts even if they say they love you, and it's never right for grownups to get you to touch their private parts.”

If I could add to this about 'seeing' as well as touching

The same rules should apply with regard to other people seeing those private areas as they do to touching. And it should also apply to seeing other peoples private parts especially adults or older children. Children should never be comfortable around naked adults, and should never allow themselves to be pressured into watching pornographic videos. This is frequently used by pedophiles to 'erode the sense of what is appropriate', as she wrote above.

Explain that people may try to trick or bribe them 

Parents should explain to their children that people may try to trick them in order to harm them, according to Honig. A trick could be something as simple as a stranger saying that they have a present in their car, or a coach touching an athlete inappropriately and telling them that they will harm their family if they tell.

Honig said it's important to let children know that they need to tell an adult if something that makes them uncomfortable happens, even if they promised not to tell.

"You have to tell someone if somebody is doing something wrong to your body," Honig said. "Even if it feels good and you're told not to tell anybody, or if a person says I am going to hurt your mom and daddy, and even if you promise that person never to tell, it's never wrong to break that promise."

Make sure your child knows he or she has a voice and when something is not right in their lives they need to use that voice. The most common theme among sexually abused children is that they are voiceless - the are afraid to tell, they don't know who to tell or how to tell. Make sure your kids have a voice and know how to use it.

Yeah, it's awkward, but you should talk to your kids about sex

Think your child in late-elementary school or middle school doesn't know the basics about sex? Think again.

Norris said many parents put off "the talk" with their kids until later, so it becomes a "weird, awkward" conversation where the child doesn't want to talk about sex and becomes hesitant to bring it up to their parents if something happens.

"Part of the solution is making conversation about sexual topics early on happen in a natural way, so it's not happening in this strange, bizarre, unnatural way with a child," she said. "And just keeping the communication pathway open about every subject matter."

In circumstances where abuse may have occurred, parents many times find out because they asked the child if something was going on, or asked if they needed to tell them anything, Norris said.

She said parents can find ways to educate their children about sex at an early age by using real-life situations.

"My child was 3 and a half ... when we had a cat that adopted us in the neighborhood, and she had kittens and it was a great opportunity to talk about mommies and daddies and where kittens come from," she said.  "Communicating early on about sex-ed with real names of body parts and communicating that you have the right to determine who you are physically affectionate with and you have the right to say no."

OK, maybe not at 3.5!

Don’t force your child to give physical affection if they are uncomfortable 

Physical interaction should never be forced on a child, Self-Brown said.

“When introducing a child to new people don’t force them to give a hug to someone they just met,” Self-Brown said.  “There are subtle modeling things important in communicating to children that their body belongs to them and they don’t have to go along with things adults tell them to if they don’t feel comfortable.”

For more on symptoms that a child may be victim of abuse visit StopItNow.org.

Disturbing Attitudes Toward Sex and Violence Against Women in EU

Over a quarter of Europeans think sex without consent

is justifiable – poll

If this is Europe, how bad must it be in Islam where sex and violence

against women are taught in the Quran?

    © Eric Thayer / Reuters

A Eurobarometer survey has shown alarming tendencies in attitudes towards sex without consent, with about 27 percent of respondents across the EU saying sex without consent is justifiable.

Most respondents cite reasons like being drunk or on drugs (12 percent), agreeing to go home with someone (11 percent), wearing revealing clothes, or not clearly saying no or physically fighting back (both 10 percent).

Sorted by country, those surveyed in Romania and Hungary tended to be the most likely to say each situation could justify sex without consent, while respondents in Sweden and Spain were among the least likely to say so.

Moreover, more than 40 percent of respondents in the EU believe that harassing women in the street by making sexually offensive jokes should not be illegal, with nine percent in Slovenia and eight percent each in Austria, Germany, and Lithuania saying it is not even wrong.

The survey also asked the respondents about harassment at work: for instance, “touching a colleague in an inappropriate way” should not be illegal, think 48 percent of Hungarians, 42 percent of Estonians, and 38 percent of Lithuanians.

Most respondents also think that sexual harassment against women is either very common (20 percent) or fairly common (half of all respondents).

The location where violent acts occur is most often home, over 85 percent of respondents said, while 19 percent said public places, and another 19 percent said harassment happens most often online.

Perhaps even more alarming is the way many respondents expressed their attitude towards violence against women, with almost a quarter saying that women often make up or exaggerate claims of abuse, and 17 percent saying that it is women who provoke violence.

Latvia proved to be the only country where the majority said the victim is to blame (57 percent), followed by Lithuania (45 percent), and Malta (40 percent). In contrast, only 6 percent of respondents agreed with the statement in the Netherlands, and 9 percent in Sweden.

On the whole, the authors of the survey were optimistic regarding the awareness of violence across the EU.

Still, the survey highlights a few rather disturbing issues: first, 88 percent of the victims do not go to the police to report the offense. Also, there is clearly disagreement among the respondents whether some violent acts should be deemed illegal or even wrong. Finally, at least 70 percent of respondents said that domestic violence and sexual harassment are common in their country (74 and 70 percent, respectively).

Many of these attitudes I would have expected to find in Islam and in much smaller numbers in non-Muslim countries. The increasing migration of Muslims into Europe probably enhance these numbers and will continue to do so. Programs must be developed to counter such misogynistic attitudes of entitlement.

Unfortunately, the survey doesn't seem to have tested attitudes toward sex and violence against children, a much bigger problem.

‘McDonald’s, Hands Off My Buns’: Employees Protest Sexual Harassment in More than 30 States

© Jim Young / Reuters

Female workers at McDonald’s are sick of being treated like meat. They are accusing the Golden Arches of not protecting employees against sexual harassment. Backed by the minimum wage campaign “Fight for $15,” workers are taking to the streets to demand better treatment.

McDonald’s claims to have a zero tolerance policy towards sexual harassment, but over a dozen sexual harassment complaints against the fast food giant paint a different story. In the past month alone, 15 different sexual harassment complaints have been filled with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) against McDonald's.

As a result, workers in 30 US cities joined in a lunchtime protest to draw attention to what some believe is a widespread problem. Protesters held demonstrations outside of the restaurant, where they held up signs reading, “McDonald's, Hands Off My Buns,” and “McDonald’s, Put Some Respect in My Check.”

In addition to filing complaints, sexually harassed employees shared their stories of feeling unsafe in the workplace with no repercussions for their harassers. CyCei Monet, an employee in Flint, Michigan, wrote in her complaint that a manager rubbed his genitals on her and said he wanted to “do things” to her. Her complaints to superiors allegedly fell on deaf ears.

“McDonald’s monitors everything we do — from how fast the drive-through is moving, to how we fold our customers’ bags,” she said on a phone call with reporters. “Yet when I filed a complaint against my shift manager for regularly sexually harassing me — which included him showing me a photo of his genitals — McDonald’s had no response.”

The inaction prompted Monet to quit.

“I really needed that job and the money, and I considered remaining silent,” she said. “But I believed McDonald’s had my back and would be horrified by the way I was treated. I was wrong.”

She’s far from alone. A video from “Fight for $15” shows both men and women sharing their devastatingly similar experiences.

“I reported it at least five or six times,” said one female former employee who described being harassed by a female coworker who would follow her into the bathroom. But despite these complaints, “The store manager did not do anything.”

Another woman told “Fight for $15” that “nothing happened” after reporting a supervisor who would touch her inappropriately and “grabbed me like, real roughly.”

“The only thing I could do was push him off,” she said. Her request to change locations was ignored by the general manager, so she tried to go above his or head to get help.  

“I went to the corporate, I wrote to the corporate and I called to the corporate.”  

Yet here she is.

The problem is not limited to McDonald’s. In fact, 40 percent of women who work in fast food experience sexual harassment, according to a report from the Heart Research Association. This number is 60 percent higher than any other industry, according to “Fight for $15.”

McDonald’s is no stranger to sexual harassment complaints, or lawsuits resulting from ignoring them. A 2008 EEOC lawsuit against a Durango, Colorado McDonald’s franchise was settled for over half-a-million dollars, but the harassment employees endured is alarmingly similar to the recent batch of complaints.

Female employees ranging from 15 to 17 years old claimed of managers spying on them while changing, supervisors lifting their shirts to bite their breasts and also offering favors in exchange for sex. The lawsuit claimed that the franchise owner “was aware of the sexual harassment, both because some employees complained to management and because some managers participated in the harassment.”

Sexual harassment is not limited to women either. In 2010, McDonald’s settled another EEOC lawsuit for $50,000 when “an assistant store manager made lewd comments to a teenaged crew member and touched, spanked and hugged him in a way that made him very uncomfortable.” The teenager was between 16 and 17 years old when the harassment occurred.

A third EEOC lawsuit against a McDonald’s franchise owner in Wisconsin was settled in 2012 for $1 million. The lawsuit represented three women by name who reported working under the same hostile conditions. One complained that the franchise owner “failed and refused to take prompt and appropriate action to correct the harassment,” forcing one woman to quit. The other two women were fired after complaining about their coworker’s behavior.

“As the country’s second-largest employer, McDonald’s has a responsibility to set standards in both the fast-food industry and the economy overall,” Kendall Fells, organizing director for “Fight for $15,” said in a statement.

The most recent EEOC complaints were filed with assistance from “Fight for $15,” an organization that is dedicated to unionizing fast food employees and improving their work conditions.

7 Child Molesters and Rapists on Today's Perverts and Pedophiles List

Alabama man charged with child sex abuse

Patrick Ary 

An Athens, Alabama man was arrested after police said he inappropriately touched a child.

Tyler Jerome Davenport, 18, was arrested Tuesday night and charged with sexual abuse of a child under 12.

Athens Police Chief Floyd Johnson said they received a complaint about Davenport sexually abusing a 9-year-old relative Tuesday afternoon.

Davenport was booked at the Athens Police Department and taken to the Limestone County Jail.

    Athens, AL

Oregon man arrested on charges of child sex abuse

BY ASSOCIATED PRESS 

Authorities have arrested a 28-year-old man on a felony warrant

WILDERVILLE, Oregon (AP) -- Authorities have arrested a 28-year-old man on a felony warrant that alleges he sexually abused a young female relative for eight years.

The Oregon State Police said Wednesday that Seth Ray Milton, of Wilderville, was arrested Tuesday at his home on an outstanding warrant resulting from a secret grand jury indictment in Josephine County.

He faces charges of rape, sodomy and sexual abuse.

Authorities had been investigating Milton for 10 months after getting information from the alleged victim.

OSP says she was abused from age 6 to age 14 but no longer lives at the residence.

Authorities believe there could be other victims and are urging anyone with information to call the Oregon State Police.

It wasn't immediately clear if Milton had retained an attorney.

    Wilderville, OR

Utah child sex abuse case ends with prison term

A Richfield man accused of several criminal charges related to sexual abuse of a child was sentenced to a minimum of five years prison in Sixth District Court Sept. 6.

Russell Childs, 42, entered a guilty plea to charges of sexual abuse of a child, forcible sodomy and object rape, May 31.

According to court documents, the allegations of abuse date back several years.

Childs and his attorney, Aaron Owens, argued for a sentence that would include jail, psychosexual evaluation and treatment. According to court documents, Owens said substance abuse by his client was a contributing factor in the abuse and that Childs had since become sober.

However, Judge Marvin Bagley said the crimes warranted a prison sentence.

Bagley sentenced Childs to one term of 1-15 years Utah State Prison and two terms of 5 years to life in prison. All prison terms are to be served concurrently. A maximum sentence of 15 years to life was taken off the table as part of a plea agreement approved by the victim’s family, said Sevier County Attorney Dale Eyre.

“This was an appropriate sentence,” Eyre said. “We’re glad to have it resolved.”

Childs addressed the court and apologized to his family and the victim, calling his behavior “inexcusable.”

Childs was originally arrested in January.

    Richfield, UT

Man arrested for child sex abuse in Oklahoma

By Brittany Harlow
         
DURANT, Oklahoma- 36-year-old Mitcheal Brown is accused of molesting a young girl several times over the last three years.

Durant Police said Brown was arrested at his home on North 3rd on Tuesday, where the alleged molestations occurred.

People in the area said they were horrified to find out this had been going on in their neighborhood.

“Honestly I have no respect for men that do anything like that,” Brittany Harner said. “Especially in our community here in Durant.”

Harner is a new mom. She said she can’t understand how anyone can sexually abuse children.

“He needs to be locked up,” Harner said. “He needs to be put in prison or suffer the consequences for what he’s done.”

Durant Police Detective Buddy Faulkner said they received a call about the child abuse last week.

“One thing we want to do is commend the victim for coming forward,” Faulkner said. “We understand that it is an extremely difficult thing for a victim in this case to come forward and tell people that this has happened to them.”

Faulkner said Brown admitted to the allegations during questioning.

The affidavit states Brown would ask the victim for help, and that he told the victim he “wanted her to let him touch her long enough, so he could figure out in his mind why he was touching her.”

Police said Brown admitted to touching the child on three to five occasions.

He’s being held at the county jail on $150,000 bond.

Faulkner said they want other victims of child abuse to come forward, that they will do everything they can to make it stop and keep them safe.

    Durante, OK

Alabama man arrested on multiple child sex abuse charges

By VALENCIA JONES 

Dale County authorities arrested Chad Harper, 37, last night after receiving complaints from the community near the Midland City area.

"He had been confronted by his wife, and we've been in the process of investigating those complaints, and it's in regards to sexual misconduct and its between him and his young daughter,” said Dale County Sheriff Wally Olson.

Harper was charged with first and second degree sodomy, first and second degree sexual abuse, and sexual abuse of a child less than 12 years old, all involving his own child.

"These are the types of cases you just absolutely hate to see, because it changes a child's life forever,” Olson said. “The innocence of a child is one of the most purest things that you can have."

Olson said law enforcement will continue their efforts to bring closure the most vulnerable victims: the elderly and children. He said the victim was removed from the home and is now in a safe place.

"We need to protect our future and protect our knowledge and experience. So often, those two are the main ones that are preyed upon the most,” he said.

Olson also said they applaud those who come forward, helping to bring justice to the victims.

"That's what we're here for. We're here to provide safety,” he said.

The other parent is said to be cooperating with law enforcement. In addition, Olson said the suspect has another child that has not been harmed. The case is still under investigation.

    Dale Co, AL

Texas man turns self in; faces child sex abuse charges

KYTX 

RUSK CO. - A Garrison man surrendered to Rusk County Jail on child sex abuse charges Tuesday.

Dock Lee Minter, 68 years-old surrendered himself to the Rusk County Jail on two 1st degree felony warrants for Continuous Sexual abuse of Children.

The Rusk County Sheriff’s Department Investigations division has information that alleged abuse from the suspect may have been occurring as far back as 45 years.

The Sheriff's Department is concerned that there may be further victims and ask that anyone who has information on this individual concerning allegations of this manner please come forward.

You can contact the lead investigator on this case Investigator Roy Cavazoz at 903-657-3581 ext. 209 or Public information Sgt. David Roberts at 903-657-3581 ext.220

    Garrison, TX

Texas ISD band teacher sentenced for child sex abuse

KHOU.com Staff

FORT BEND COUNTY, TEXAS - A former Fort Bend ISD elementary school teacher and band instructor was sentenced to 30 years in prison for sexually abusing a child, according to the Fort Bend County District Attorney's office.

Kenyan Rodgers, 45, pleaded guilty to Continuous Sexual Abuse of a Young Child. He also received a 25-year prison sentence in Harris County for Aggravated Sexual Assault of a Child involving the same child. The sentences will run concurrently.

Under Texas law, the defendant will not be eligible for release for 30 years.

According to prosecutors, evidence revealed that Rodgers had engaged in repeated sexual contact with the child at an elementary school between 2012 and 2013.

The crime was discovered in July 2013 when Rodgers was found in a vehicle with the child at a band camp at Texas Southern University. Police were contacted immediately, and the resulting investigation uncovered abuse that had been occurring for more than a year.

Prosecutors are praising the child victim for standing up for herself and telling authorities what happened.

    Fort Bend, Tx

Former USA Gymnastics Doctor Accused of Child Sexual Abuse

Longtime USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar has been accused of sexual abuse by two former gymnasts, one of whom is an Olympic medalist.

A civil lawsuit, which was filed by the unnamed gymnast on Thursday, was released on Monday.

The other woman, Rachael Denhollander, lodged her complaint with the Michigan police two weeks ago.

Nassar was the USA Gymnastics' team physician for four Olympic Games, but resigned from his position last September.

Dr Larry Nassar

See also: USA Gymnastics Ignored Stories of Coaches’ Child Sex Abuse for Years While Athletes Suffered

He was a faculty member at the Michigan State University (MSU) and has treated its gymnasts. MSU has suspended Nassar pending the investigation.

He has not yet been charged with a crime and according to his attorney, Matthew Borgula, Nassar has denied any wrongdoing.

"Dr. Nassar, to the extent the allegations are against him, adamantly denies any misconduct at this or any other time," said Borgula.

According to the Indy Star, the women claim Nassar molested them by touching their genitals and breasts on multiple occasions during treatments in the 1990s and early 2000s.

One of the women said the doctor tried to engage in inappropriate conversations when they were alone, while the other claims Nassar was visibly aroused during one of her medical check-ups.

Denhollander told the Star that she was sexually assaulted by the doctor when she was 15 years old during a visit for treatment of lower back pain.

She claims that the doctor became significantly more abusive over five further treatments.

"I was terrified," she said. "I was ashamed. I was very embarrassed. And I was very confused, trying to reconcile what was happening with the person he was supposed to be.

"He's this famous doctor. He's trusted by my friends. He's trusted by these other gymnasts.

"How could he reach this position in the medical profession, how could he reach this kind of prominence and stature if this is who he is?"

USA Gymnastics issued a statement confirming it has severed its ties with Nassar, after it was questioned about the allegations.

"Dr. Nassar is no longer affiliated with USA Gymnastics - upon learning of athlete concerns, USA Gymnastics immediately notified law enforcement," the statement said.

"Since then, we have cooperated fully with the law enforcement agency, including refraining from making further statements or taking any other action that might interfere with the agency's investigation.

"We are grateful to the athletes for coming forward to share their concerns."

Utah Man Arrested on Suspicion of Child Sex Abuse

Nichole Osinski, The Spectrum


Purgatory Correctional Facility is so-named because it is located on Purgatory Flats, near St. George. But it's a great name for a correctional facility.

A St. George, Utah man was arrested Thursday on allegations he sexually abused a child.

Joseph B. Baca, 47, was booked into Purgatory Correctional Facility on six counts of child sex abuse.

St. George Police were notified Tuesday of a sex offense involving a 9-year-old girl, according to the probable cause statement filed in the case.

The responding officer wrote the reporting person informed police the girl had told her mother that their neighbor had been touching her inappropriately, according to the report.

The reporting person told authorities he "made contact with the suspect Joseph Baca and informed him that they were going to the police regarding the allegations," according to the statement.

The officer wrote in the statement the alleged victim was later interviewed at the Children's Justice Center where she claimed Baca had touched her under and over her clothing during several incidents, with the last time she remembered being April 29.

The girl also said she "knew Joseph Baca for a while" and had gone to his home to get candy and watch the Disney channel, the statement indicated.

OK, where were the parents? Why was a 9 year old allowed to go into the apartment of a single man, unaccompanied? The parents should be charged with neglect!

Police said the person who reported the alleged sexual abuse saw Baca in the apartment complex on Thursday — officers were called and Baca was taken in for questioning.

Baca exercised his right to an attorney.

He is being held on $60,000 bail.