One Survivor's Story > Emotional Account of a young woman who survived becoming a hostage on Oct 7th, '23

 

The video picks up at the end of a debate on Palestine. The woman explains reality to the young man who supports Palestinians.

Young Israeli Woman Powerfully Delivers

Tearful Account Of Life As a Hamas Hostage

written by Phil Schneider November 20, 2024 2.5K views

What is life like as an Israeli woman in captivity in Gaza? Hell squared. Well, that is not the most powerful point of this powerful message. What is life like for Arab women in Gaza? Do women in Gaza have rights? Or are they actually imprisoned by the norms of radical Arab society? The truth hurts, but the fact is that the largest human rights issue in the world is the manner in which women are treated in many Arab countries.  

Take the general attitude of Arabs in Gaza to women, and couple that with the general attitude of Arabs in Gaza towards all Jews. That adds up to the event of the most vile treatment of women in modern history. The rape, torture and killing of Israeli women who lived outside of the Gaza Strip, most of whom were strong supporters of coexistence and peace agreements with Arabs, came as a total surprise to most of these Israeli women. To a large part of Israeli society, it was not a surprise at all.

The facts are that there has never been any form of sustained peace and tranquility in the Land of Israel over the last 100+ years. The largely empty Land of Israel was resettled by young Zionist pioneers in the 1880’s, early 1900’s and especially post World War I and World War II. But these pioneers were building on the ancient settling of the Land that had gone on over the centuries of Jews returning to their ancestral Homeland. There really was never a time of sustained calm. It was always a tenuous existence, and the Ottoman/Turkish authorities were never the most wonderful or reliable hosts. 

But as the Jewish return picked up steam at the turn of the 20th century, new economic opportunities drove many Arabs from Egypt, Syria, and Saudi Arabia to look for economic advancement and they moved north, south, and West to also settle in the Land of Israel. The economic incentives were many. But the Arabs who came to Israel were also religious people and there were always groups of Arabs who attacked Jewish enclaves as long as the Jewish settlement existed.

What happened on October 7th was not an exception as much as a continuation of what has occurred in the Land of Israel over the last hundred years.

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Human Trafficking Awareness Month - 'I Was Trafficked in Plain Sight'

Rebecca Bender

By Thorn, Guest Author

During Human Trafficking Awareness Month, we’re giving a voice to survivors and those working on the front lines of trafficking. While we’re proud of the results of our tools to identify victims faster, we know that the issue doesn’t end there. The following post was written by Rebecca Bender, co-founder and CEO of the Rebecca Bender Initiative. She is an award-winning, internationally recognized speaker, author and Survivor Leader in the movement to eradicate modern day slavery.

Usually when I tell people I’m a survivor of human trafficking, they say “Oh, like the movie Taken?”

I think, well, kind of. Except I wasn’t pulled out by one leg while gripping at the carpet. My dad didn’t have a special set of skills to come find me. I definitely was not sold for a million dollars on a yacht. So no, not really like Taken at all.

But it’s interesting because we all do that — survivors included. We envision human trafficking in this little box, because of that one movie we saw that one time. As survivors, we grew up in the same culture as all of you, so we envision it the same way. What happens in Nigeria looks very different than it does in Cambodia, than it does in New York City, than it does in Atlanta.

According to a recent study by Polaris Project, there are twenty five different typologies of exploitation in the United States alone. So if we’re all only thinking of that one way, we’re going to miss the dozens of ways that it looks in our very own communities.

What trafficking looks like

I grew up in a small lumber town in Southern Oregon. I was an average girl, who had never been put in an “at-risk” youth category. I played varsity sports. I was on the honor roll. And I graduated a year early, accepted into Oregon State University. The summer after graduation, I got pregnant and I had to withdraw from my dorm room. I moved in with my parents and had my daughter, but I kept moving forward. I enrolled in community college as a single mom. After all of my friends that had gone off to university moved out of their dorm rooms, they invited me and my daughter to move in with them. I was really excited to get out of my small town.

I realized very quickly though that the vulnerabilities that I had growing up — even in a “good home” — were still there. My parents divorced when I was young and it was an ugly divorce. My mom became a single mom, but by high school things had started to turn around for me. When I went off to college and moved in with my friends, those same vulnerabilities resurfaced.

While all my friends were off doing what college kids do, I was the girl stuck at home with the kid. Until I met the most amazing man. He was funny and charming. He got to know my hopes, my dreams, and my fears. He slowly pushed the boundaries of hypersexuality in my life. After six months of dating, he invited us to move in with him.

See, trafficking is not always abductions. It’s a slow, gradual expansion of boundaries and an increase of trust. The day that my daughter and I arrived in Las Vegas — which is where he moved us to — he forced me into human trafficking. For nearly six years, I was sold between three different traffickers. There were three other women in the home with us and two children.

During that time, I was branded twice. Having two men tattoo their names on my back like a piece of cattle. My face had been broken in five places, I was hospitalized for dehydration and overexhaustion. And I had been to jail seven times.

But I was never kidnapped. Or duct-taped. Or locked in a room with a dirty mattress.

The reality is that my daughter may have gone to school with yours; I may have stood next to you in the grocery store line. And nobody ever noticed. Nobody ever noticed because we all envision that one way. I went through the thought of I got on the plane “willingly”. I got out of the car “willingly”. I didn’t fully understand the complexities of force, fraud and coercion played out in my everyday life.

Thankfully, in 2006 the federal investigators raided the home and in 2007, it allowed me and my daughter an eventual avenue for escape. But I can tell you that running was not the hard part. The hard part was choosing poverty. The hard part was starting over at 26, with an 8-year-old girl, being homeless. The hard part was having a criminal record, a huge gap in job history, and more trauma than any person should live with. The hard part was “what now?”. I escaped, yes, but now the journey began to figure out how to navigate this new world of normalcy with the same vulnerabilities that got me trafficked in the first place.

There is much more to this story on Thorn. Please visit their site.

Survivor of Pedophile Rabbi Tells Story in Viral Post on Website

Last week on Thursday (20 July), the Jerusalem District Court sentenced (Rabbi) Aharon Shlomo Lisson to a minimum of seven years for sexually abusing three brothers. Later that day, one of the courageous victims/survivors, Yaakov (Yankie) Rainitz, wrote a powerful public post in Hebrew about what transpired. The post quickly went viral in Israel where it was shared 750 times, received almost 4,000 “Likes” and was republished in major Israeli media outlets.

The English translation below was provided by Manny Waks and republished with permission from his website, mannywaks.com.

I don’t know where to start, from the beginning or maybe from the end. You have heard a lot about me. You have seen me flickering across your TV screen on news sites where they refer to me as ‘Y’! I have decided to reveal my identity. I am Yankie Rainitz and I am 21 years old. I studied for many years with a respected teacher who will go to jail next month for a very long time!

My life story has been paraded during the past two years numerous times on national television and on different internet sites. But today, I have decided for the first time to remove the cloak of secrecy and to reveal my identity through my Facebook page, to reveal a little of the stormy ocean in my life. I am doing this to encourage, strengthen, uplift and give hope to all those children and young people who are going through the abuse behind closed doors which I experienced.

I was 12 years old when I started Year 8, where the respected, righteous and revered Rabbi Aharon Shlomo Lisson was teaching. This man, known as ‘Rav Lisson’, would consistently praise me in front of my class mates and the Talmud Torah staff. He would give me presents and send notes of satisfaction home with me to my parents. In the community and at home, this man was known as something rare and special, a real angel.

As a child in the Charedi community, I had never heard the words ‘sexual abuse’ before. My parents always warned me about ‘sick dangerous people’ that touch children, and if someone were to approach me in the public park to touch me, I should scream and flee, run straight home and tell them what happened. If a strange, sick person tried the same stunt at the mikveh, I should know that it is dangerous and I should shout out and run away. But even in my worst nightmares, I never dreamed that they could be referring to this special man, Rav Lisson, whom I adored. He was my most revered rabbi and teacher, he was my whole world, I trusted him through difficult times, he was the most lofty character for me as a small child. And this man exploited me dozens of times for his own sexual satisfaction!!! And when, over time, my little body wasn’t enough to satisfy him sexually, there were always my three younger brothers.

He asked me to take upon myself the words from the verse in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) ‘acquire for yourself a teacher’ and so he became my own personal mashpia (mentor). A mashpia in my community is someone who you turn to in a spiritual crisis. He provides you with a wide range of solutions for all kinds of problems and you stay in touch with him always! A kind of godly figure.

And this godly figure took advantage of me and hurt me dozens of times and more. My two brothers directly beneath me also experienced the same kind of abuse, but none of us knew what was happening to the others. And as for the question “why”, it has long shrivelled up and disappeared within the shear despair of ever finding an answer. Why did we deserve this? A question that has reverberated for many years, one with no answer.

Not only did he abuse my body for his own sexual pleasure whenever he wanted, but he also strangled the life out of me. He squeezed every drop of air containing natural oxygen out from me and after every incident, left me ruminating about the fact that he had just done the most wonderful thing in the world, especially for me. And all because he loved me and cared about me. Because I was the best in the world, the most exceptional, righteous and beautiful person in the world, the only one deserving of such a privilege … just me, all because of me.

During the years that Lisson abused me, I was a small and delicious piece of meat in his eyes and I served his purpose loyally. There was no desire on my part, but he completely controlled me.  I did not understand what was happening; red blood just never burst forth from me. Like a corpse that you can kick and even tear the skin and tendons, but the dead person doesn’t feel it. And even if he did, he would never be able to sound those alarm bells. This is how I experienced those years of abuse, from a living being I turned into a dead person. So much blood left my body, but it was never red, so I could never yell out.

The second period of abuse occurred after I made a complaint to the police. Many voices were heard, of rabbis and people in the public arena, of friends, neighbours and acquaintances, from the neighbourhood and from school. There was a lot of anger and fury, ironically directed at us, the ones who complained. How can I describe the sorrow and disappointment, the sense of anger and betrayal I felt when teachers and rabbis who taught me for years, day after day, people I trusted and relied upon, appeared in front of me in the witness stand in court glorifying and praising this popular rabbi?

My life changed completely, from a place on high, a place of safety surrounded by friends in a loving environment, the centre of attraction and oozing self-confidence – to a low point that was unfamiliar to me. To the depths of hell scorched by a burning fire that completely destroyed everything.  Everything I had … everything I dreamed of! In my dreams, the future was beautiful and bright, secure and promising. I didn’t even think how my life changed at that moment. It happened so quickly that I couldn’t tell, think about or express this cruel and dramatic change.

The only ones that were there, that saw and knew about the terrible things I was going through were him and G-d. And G-d surely froze on the spot. How could he not?! The truth is, I also froze. Only he didn’t freeze. He worked energetically, heatedly and with endless cruelty. He peeled away layer after layer of innocence and childhood laughter, happiness and youth. Light. Normality. Humanity.  Regular lifestyle. He made a monster out of me. I couldn’t understand what was happening. The only one who could explain it to me was him. And he did so willingly.

In hindsight, what he explained was a double whammy and a painful slap, the intensity of which continues to reverberate in my soul until today. I can’t let it go. But then, I had to accept it because that’s how it was. He told me that he loved me, that I was the best in the world. That I have a special heart. And just because of that I was ‘privileged’ to have him do these things to me. Enough!! I can’t continue because my brain is about to burst. From pain, anger and helplessness.

When I was 18, my younger brother started Year 8. At this point, I decided to approach the principal of the school and tell him what had happened, so that he would get rid of the teacher. We met late at night; he surprised me and was absolutely amazing. He promised me that I was doing the right thing and that I even deserve a gold medal for my courage. He gave me strength and supported and encouraged me (something which has continued till today). We went to the police and filed a complaint … and from that day on, my life became a cruel and black nightmare that gained momentum like a powerful and painful ball with no inhibitions.

Giving evidence in court was one of the most difficult events throughout this process. A small, innocent boy up against a top lawyer, a shrewd and experienced lawyer whose single aim was to break my spirit -and he succeeded. And when I burst out crying on the witness stand, he did not get confused but shouted at me that everyone knew that I’d practised my tears at home. The accused, who had once been my whole world, sat and vigorously wrote little questions and facts to pass over to his counsel so that he could use them to fire questions at me … it was terrible. There are no words to describe it. I have described here about one percent of the agony I experienced during the trial.

One of the most difficult stages of the trial was when they did ‘character witnesses and defence witnesses’. This is the part where the accused gets to bring forth witnesses who will testify in his favour – which meant against us. He brought tens of witnesses, all of whom I knew. The vast majority were teachers and rabbis who had taught me at the yeshivah throughout the years, many of whom I loved, respected and valued. And they all appeared there on one day. At first I was shocked. And then came another deliberation and another well-respected rabbi, and then another deliberation and another well-known mashpia… and I got used to it. Or rather, I switched off. I switched off emotionally from thoughts of the past, from my innocence and from my respect towards these people. It’s hard for me, but I didn’t cause this. I pray that this storm will pass, or at least that the ship will hold out and not fracture, G-d forbid. Because right now, my life is happening in a fragile boat in the middle of a furious and stormy sea, a boat that can break any minute and get lost at the bottom of the sea.

Perhaps in a few years, it will be possible to describe this period in my life as over, but not done. Because this story does not have an ending. The wounds will bleed forever because no tweezers in the world will ever be able to reach the deep psychological levels that Lisson touched., hurt, burnt. And the parts of me that this despicable human being succeeded in touching, groping and feeling will never be the same again.

I am using this opportunity to reach out to all the other children who were abused by the man who hurt me, and by others. Please, help yourselves. I won’t lie to you, the road to reaching the point I am at today is hard to navigate. No words in the world are enough to describe the real difficulties that this road is fraught with. But it’s worth it! In the end, truth reigns supreme. 

First and foremost, I want to thank the Creator of the world who knows what is best for me, even if it is difficult to understand and sometimes seems not to work out.

To my dear amazing parents. Mom and Dad! I know that this saga has robbed you of many years of life. But we won! Because of the fortified wall you became for us, even when the earth shook beneath us and threatened to destroy our lives, you never gave up. And thanks to you, justice has prevailed. Perhaps there is no way back from the havoc wreaked – both financially and in terms of health (physical and mental) – but we won!

To our wonderful and special lawyer/prosecutor Yifat Pinchasi, you were an angel from heaven. It’s not just a slogan, we saw those who came before you … and you, with sensitivity, great wisdom and endless love, managed to bring forward this victory for us.

To Yifat Sasha-Biton, Member of Knesset, who has been by my side throughout this journey. At any time of the day no matter what, you always have time to put in a kind, loving word and strong encouragement for the future. You are a special person. Thank you for blazing the trail with wonderful laws that will protect our children. There are no words!

To lawyer Limor Etziyoni, really something special. Life became easier when you entered the picture. You are one of a kind. Thank you for your advice and guidance which came from genuine and sincere concern. We still have a lot to talk about in the future.

To the amazing Ori Tal and Tal Nissim! Thank you for the hours and hours you spent with me. You always listened, allowing me to offload, to complain about what was going on and to be updated. Yours is the warmest home I have ever been in. You are legends!

There are too many names to mention here of all the many people who have helped, encouraged, supported and held me. It is because of you that I was able to reach this day. I love you!

In conclusion, it is no secret that I am a Lubavitcher Hassid. And it is no secret that some of the pillars of the Chabadcommunity have caused me and my family terrible injustice. Injustice that will never be forgotten.

Many people have asked me how I managed to remain who I am despite the foul mouths I have witnessed from people who call themselves mashpi’im (spiritual mentors), rabbis and educators? I must tell the truth, there is one person who stopped me from deviating from my path. He is the Lubavicher Rebbe whom I love dearly. Lisson, you took everything away from me. The emotions of my childhood and the joys of my youth. You put inside of me a sense of obscenity and evil and you cut me off from the path of Judaism. But if you thought for a moment that you could take the Rebbe away from me – you made a big mistake!

Today I am a Chabad shaliach (emissary) in Hong Kong. I try to breathe deeply, to help and assist, to learn with whomever necessary … and mostly, to take time out when I need. And as for you, Mr Lisson, I have no idea what will enable you to heal all of those septic wounds that you created in so many children that never even knew what a sin was before you came along. So off you go to jail, you miscreant, but for G-d’s sake, enough holding your head up high – it won’t help.

​Today is not a happy day for me. It is a day of introspection, a day of sorrow, a day of closure.

Her Father Avoided Trial in a Plea Deal; She Says Sexual Trauma is Still Painful

A sexual assault survivor shares her story

Chris Mueller, USA TODAY NETWORK-Wisconsin 

Keaira Damon-Stine hopes her story can help others heal

STEVENS POINT, Wisconson - She ran herself a bath. He walked by the bathroom door and disappeared into the basement.

He returned with a video camera and began recording her. She was 11. He was 37.

She later filed a police report about what happened. The "i" in her name, Keaira, was dotted with a heart at the top of the form.

“The whole thing freaked me out,” she wrote. “I told him that I was uncomfortable, especially with all of the closeups to my private areas.”

Keaira also reported another incident, which happened when her stepmother was away at the grocery store. Her father called her to the basement and told her she needed to change her behavior. He threatened to send her away to her biological mother or foster care.

Then, she wrote, he forced her to perform oral sex on him. When it was over, she ran upstairs and brushed her teeth. But, according to Keaira's police statement, he had one more thing to say before she did.

“He told me that if I told anyone he would kill me and that no one would believe me anyway,” she wrote.

Keaira Damron-Stine is 26 now but said she still lives each day painfully aware of what happened to her as a child. Outside of a police report and a courtroom — where a judge once told her "you will overcome this" — she wasn't able to share her story for a long time.

The memories were too personal, too awful. She felt alone. Keaira said she still feels that way sometimes.

Thousands of children in Wisconsin grow up suffering from the trauma of sexual abuse. Child protective services verified more than 6,100 reports of children sexually abused in the state from 2011 to 2015, an average of more than three new cases each day, according to a report by the Wisconsin Department of Children and Families.

And those are only the ones they hear about, which make up a small minority of the actual number of sexual abuses of children.

Children who are sexually abused often struggle with the consequences long after they become adults. Keaira said she approached USA TODAY NETWORK-Wisconsin to share her story as part of a personal search for healing, but also with the hope that it would let others suffering from sexual abuse know they, too, should be heard.

As I mentioned in a post earlier today, this is the need for survivors to tell their stories publicly. Many will never get closure without it.

Painful memories

Keaira now lives near Amherst and has tried to move on with her life. She got married in February, but is seeking a divorce. She has four children.

Survivors of child sex abuse usually have great difficulty forming lasting relationships.

She admits to making poor decisions as a young adult. She gave birth for the first time at 18 years old and dropped out after two semesters at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point to take care of her son. She worked as an exotic dancer for a few years and constantly struggled with her self-esteem.

The story of her abuse is recorded in hundreds of pages of court documents, but she doesn’t need to read them to remember. Years have passed without a problem, but everything — a deluge of painful memories — can rush back to the surface in a moment.

“There are times when it’s all I can think about and it consumes me,” she said in an interview.

She said she has anxiety and panic attacks. She has a fear of being alone, but also problems getting close to people.

“I don’t like hugs,” she said. “I don’t like to be touched, really.”

A traumatic event, including sexual abuse, can lead to short- and long-term consequences even if the victim doesn’t have a clear memory of what happened, said Gretchen Hintz, counseling manager for Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin Community Services in Marshfield, Stevens Point and Wausau.

“They don’t necessarily need to remember a lot of details,” she said. “They do need to get to the point where their body feels safe.”

That doesn’t happen quickly, especially when almost anything — a sound, a smell, a taste — can trigger horrible memories.

A survey of thousands of adults in Wisconsin found a link between traumatic childhood experiences and higher rates of depression, but also poor physical health, chronic health conditions and risky behaviors, such as smoking or heavy drinking.

“It can lead to premature death,” Hintz said.

'Cold light of day'

Keaira didn’t tell anyone for about three weeks what happened to her. But when her father and stepmother began talking seriously about divorce, she was terrified she would be left alone with him. So she spoke up.

She and her stepmother walked into the Plover Police Department at about 5:30 p.m. May 1, 2002, a Wednesday. They wrote everything down, about three handwritten pages each. Her father was arrested and taken to jail the same night.

The officers took a computer and a few CDs with them, too. A detective later found hundreds of explicit photos, including photos of underage girls, some taking baths or showers, according to a police report.

Her stepmother told an officer that she found the video of Keaira and later saw her husband remove a hard drive from his computer, drill holes in it and throw it away. She also said he had struggled with a drinking problem in the past and recently started drinking again, including on the day of the alleged sexual assault, according to a police report.

Her father, George Scott, who still lives in the same house in the village of Plover, declined to comment for this story.

A detective questioned her father the day after he was arrested. Scott admitted to filming Keaira in the bath, according to a police report, but claimed she wasn’t naked — a claim later debunked when police viewed the video — and that he was unaware it made her uncomfortable. He has steadfastly denied ever having sexual contact with his daughter.

“We’ll see what she says in the cold light of day,” he told a detective, according to a police report.

'I felt like I was being punished'

A few days after her father’s arrest, Keaira was called to the office at school. A social worker was waiting for her. She couldn’t go home — her father was there. Her stepmother didn't believe her anymore and allowed him to come home. Keaira was in foster care by the end of the day.

“I felt like I was being punished,” she said. “He got to stay home. He got to still have his family.”

Keaira had lived with other relatives or foster parents earlier in her childhood when her mother struggled to take care of her.

Scott had gained custody in 1999. Keaira was 8 or 9 years old and had to move from her hometown in Kentucky to Wisconsin, hundreds of miles away, to live with him and his family. She said she hardly knew her father. She didn’t want to go.

A few weeks after Keaira went to the police in Plover, her father was charged with two felonies, including sexual assault of a child. Those charges filed against him in late May 2002, along with another felony added a few months later, carried the possibility of decades in prison.

Scott claimed his daughter had behavioral problems, calling her “morally bankrupt,” according to court documents. Prosecutors planned to have school officials testify on Keaira’s behalf to show she wasn’t having any serious problems with behavior.

A report by a social worker described Keaira as a “normal and healthy” girl. The report also noted her father continued to blame Keaira and “her poor upbringing by her mother” for his situation.

As her father prepared his defense, Keaira was living with foster parents, away from the rest of her family. The social worker’s report describes some misbehavior, but that wasn’t considered unusual given the circumstances.

Keaira was moved to a new foster home in January 2003, about eight months after she accused her father of sexual assault. Her other foster parents were planning to move and no longer felt they could care for her. She was 12 at the time.

Her new foster parents, Bruce and Kolette Stine, would adopt her years later. Keaira always seemed to be holding back anger just beneath the surface as she grew up, Bruce Stine said in a recent interview.

“We knew it was going to be rough at times,” he said.

They didn't doubt her story. They couldn’t give her all the help she needed, though. She began to get counseling, sometimes as often as twice a week.

Hintz, the counseling manager, didn't treat Keaira, but said her patients work to build skills meant to help them deal with the painful feelings, rather than avoid them.

“If you keep avoiding something, then it just keeps getting bigger and bigger,” she said.

'I believe you'

Her father’s case ended without a trial. He took a plea agreement in October 2003 and was convicted of a felony and three misdemeanors. The charges were far less serious than what he originally faced.

He was convicted of one count of capturing a representation depicting nudity, one count of child neglect and two counts of exposing genitals, according to court records. He was sentenced in January 2004 to nine months in county jail and four years of probation.

Despite the weakened charges, the prosecutor, then-Portage County Assistant District Attorney Kelly Benjamin, was harshly critical of him at sentencing, according to a transcript of the hearing.

“I have never seen someone so vindictive, manipulative and self-centered,” Benjamin said. “And I have never seen someone go so far out of his way to make his child’s life as miserable as possible.”

Her father didn’t speak at the sentencing, but his attorney, James Connell, made it clear he still denied ever sexually assaulting Keaira.

The denial didn’t convince Portage County Judge Thomas Flugaur, who said during sentencing that he believed a conviction was likely had the case gone to a jury trial.

“This court believes Keaira,” he said. “I believe you, Keaira, in your statement that you made.”

Fluguar described the evidence to support Keaira’s claims as “overwhelming” and was confident a jury would have believed her story.

So why did the DA agree to such a pathetic plea deal? I hate plea deals!

“You are a very strong girl,” he said. “And you have a lot of positive qualities. And I believe you will overcome this and you will make it.”

'The person that listens'

Keaira became comfortable sharing her story only after talking to people close to her and realizing sexual abuse was too common and happened to all types of people.

“The more I tell it, the more I understand I did nothing,” she said.

She isn't satisfied with the way her case was handled in court but says that, at the time, she didn't care what punishment her father received. Now she feels he has been able to move on with his life, while she hasn’t fully.

She finally feels confident in herself, though, and proud of the life she has built.

"I did it myself," she said. "I didn’t have anybody around for very long, so I learned to depend on me."

She has involved herself in causes she believes are important, including a recent trip to Madison as one of three women who testified in front of state lawmakers in favor of Marsy’s Law, a proposal meant to strengthen rights for crime victims in Wisconsin.

She wants to work with other sexual assault victims, listening to their stories and telling her own. She doesn’t think she will ever fully heal, but she hopes helping other victims will give her a sense of purpose.

“I just want to be that person who listens,” she said.

That's how important it is to be able to tell your story!

Chris Mueller: 715-345-2251 or christopher.mueller@gannettwisconsin.com; on Twitter @AtChrisMueller.

Get help

CAP Services Family Crisis Center 24-hour crisis line: 1-800-472-3377 or 715-343-7125

Portage County Sexual Assault Victim Services: 715-343-7179

The Women's Community 24-hour confidential hotline : 715-842-7323 or 1-888-665-1234

Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault: 608-257-1516

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Rape and Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

As a Male Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse, I Need You to Know My Story

Tim Verity was sexually abused as a child CREDIT: CLARA MOLDEN/THE TELEGRAPH

Tim Verity 

I had always known what happened to me as a child. I was eight when the abuse finally stopped but I had vivid dreams reliving the experiences for years. When I realised their significance at 15 they quickly turned to nightmares, turning my life upside down. Now, at 32, I have secured the conviction of the man responsible and finally found some measure of peace. By telling my story, I hope to help other survivors do the same.

I grew up in a happy, middle class home; the son of a doctor and a nurse, loving parents who worked hard to provide for me. I was a precocious child with a wayward streak, never shy about vocalising my thoughts or confronting figures in authority. One early school report read ‘Tim will make Prime Minister, if someone doesn’t shoot him first’. Although my campaign for high office never quite took off, people who know me will sympathise with that sentiment. Given that, I often wonder why I kept the abuse I suffered a secret for so long.

It happened on weekend visits to a relative's house during the early 1990s. The woman, who I called ‘auntie’, made sugar mice as treats for me. Her adoptive son Neil, an overweight, moustachioed man then in his mid-twenties, would withhold the sweets and use them to entice me to perform sexual acts on him, as well as keeping quiet about the assaults he would carry out on me, behaviour we would today label ‘grooming’.

The abuse occurred on multiple occasions over a period of a few years. For a long time I told myself, ‘it wasn’t that bad, other people have been through far worse’. What is important to me, more than any salacious details, is the profound devastation it caused.

Tim Verity left the family home at the age of 16 CREDIT: THE TELEGRAPH/CLARA MOLDEN

Many survivors go through decades of their lives blocking these memories or are unable to process what they mean, only for the realisation to emerge suddenly and unexpectedly. For me, it took the rape of a friend when I was 15 to understand that what had happened wasn’t a normal part of growing up. This revelation turned me, almost overnight, from a happy-go-lucky class clown to a deeply troubled young man.

My mental health deteriorated rapidly and nightmares stopped me from sleeping. I experienced depression, anxiety, overwhelming emotions and elements of psychosis, kick-starting a pattern of shame, self-loathing and self-destructive behaviour that continued to follow me throughout my life.

I drank heavily to cope with my waking thoughts, which verged on suicidal. I couldn’t cope with being around former friends who I felt had abandoned me and started playing truant from school, eventually dropping out altogether.

My parents had no idea what had happened to their once happy, if argumentative, little boy. They couldn’t cope with my increasingly unhinged and unexplained behaviour. They eventually took the heart-breakingly difficult decision to kick me out of the family home when I turned 16, in 2000.

Reading about other survivors was a huge source of

support for me over the years, which is why I want

to share my story as widely as possible

Tim Verity

I found myself homeless in a working class seaside town where I had no friends or family to call on, flitting from Bed & Breakfast accommodation to sleeping rough. I spent my time with all manner of ‘characters’, from asylum seekers who were fleeing wars in Kosovo and Sierra Leone to a teenage girl who made her living selling herself.

My world was increasingly filled with violence and chemically induced escapism and I knew I wanted out. The only way I could see how was to get back into education. This was no easy task, juggling work, renting a home and my unstable mental health proved challenging, but eventually I got myself back on track and progressed from GCSEs to a masters degree and training in journalism.

When I wrote to my parents to explain what I had been through as a child, their attitude changed immediately. They finally understood what had caused my breakdown and we were able to start building back the bridges that had been torn down between us.

I began to function again within society, but the legacy of abuse continued to follow me. One of the most troubling aspects was the idea that I might myself become an abuser. So often we hear that offenders have been abused themselves and in the grasping and twisted logic of my young brain I assumed, like some vampiric infection, I was doomed to eventually become a monster myself.

This stopped me from wanting children and was one of many factors resulting from abuse that contributed to the breakdown of romantic relationships. Maturity has since taught me that this is nonsense and I know that my experiences will help me to prepare the children I will one day have for the challenges they may face, while protecting in them the innocence that was stolen from me.

Male survivors are a group that has been unrepresented in the past, which is surprising given what we know. ONS figures show that around 11% of boys under 16 have experienced some form of sexual abuse. There are thought to be in excess of 2 million adult male survivors of abuse in the UK, according to Survivors UK. Over 1,000 men report being raped to the police every year and this is likely to be less than 10% of the real number.

Figures also reveal that three quarter of suicides are by men and it is the single biggest cause of death for men under 50. Men are nearly three times more likely than women to become alcoholics, are more likely to die from illegal drugs and less likely to report mental health issues. All of these issues tie in with the experiences of male survivors and  make it imperative that we discuss them openly and honestly.

When men do speak out, one often avoided subject is arousal during acts of abuse. This is a purely physical response but something which many survivors experience, including myself, and something which can make even our closest loved ones uncomfortable. In the case of male on male abuse it presents a particular set of difficulties, tied up with notions of masculinity and sexuality.

Some of the shame for men also stems from being unable to stop the person who assaults us.  Men are brought up to be strong and to fail to fight off an attacker can feel like we have ‘allowed’ the abuse to happen, and therefore deserved it.

Thankfully more and more survivors are talking about their experiences, including men. The revelations around child abusers in football coaching that were sparked by Andy Woodward are one sign of this. Reading about other survivors was a huge source of support for me over the years, which is why I too want to share my story as widely as possible.

I strongly believe that the more we are heard, believed and understood, the less power there is for abusers to stifle and coerce potential victims. We need to be sending the message to people who have survived abuse that they aren't alone and are not damaged, disturbed or in any way abnormal.

Nothing will ever take away what has happened to us and I will forever have to fight the urge to spiral down into the well of negative feelings and thoughts abuse has left me with, but while the war may continue a defining battle has been won.

Neil Day of Park Lane in Ropley, Hampshire, was found guilty of six counts of gross indecency with a child and one count of indecent assault against a child at Guildford Crown Court in January. He previously pleaded guilty to three counts of possessing indecent images of children uncovered during his arrest.

Tim Verity is a journalist, writer and advocate for Child Sexual Abuse survivors. Visit his website at timverity.com or follow him on Twitter @TimVerity. He writes under a pseudonym.

Ten-year-old Heroine Speaks Out Against Child Sexual Abuse

KALEENA MCKELL

Ten-year-old Liliana Dingman tells her story about being sexually assaulted by her 24-year-old cousin in a live broadcast. Kindra Kauer (former Miss Utah), Rachelle Rutherford (former Mrs Utah), and Angela Kelly join Dingman onstage. (Ari Davis)

Liliana Dingman was 8 years old when her 24-year-old cousin began sexually abusing her.

Dingman’s cousin would tell her grandmother and aunt he was taking her to McDonald’s. Although he did take her to McDonald’s, he would take her to the liquor store afterward and then to a hotel across the street.

“He often put a gun to my head threatening to kill me if I did not do what he wanted,” Dingman said in a press conference Monday.

The abuse went on for one year before she gained the courage to speak up and seek help. Dingman is now coming forward to help other victims like her to feel safe. Time to Rescue held a live webcast press conference on its Facebook page Monday.

“Child sex trafficking is a real problem,” Dingman said. “I am a survivor. Because it happened to me I am not going to let it define me.”

Angela Kelly organized the event, works with Operation Underground Railroad and has been involved with nonprofits for many years. Kelly said they are working hard to raise awareness and to pass a new law targeting sex offenders, because Dingman’s cousin served less than one year in jail.

Kelly met Dingman when Dingman’s family moved into the home next door. When Dingman was playing with Kelly’s daughter, Kelly asked about Dingman’s family. Kelly said she saw a red flag when Dingman was reluctant to discuss her family and told Dingman she could talk with her about anything at anytime.

Three hours later, Dingman came back to Kelly’s house and told Kelly everything she had gone through. Kelly, with the support of Liliana’s mother and therapist, is helping Liliana tell her story in press conferences and events.

“This little girl is beyond brave and wants desperately to help other kids be able to come forward and for victims like her to feel safe,” Kelly said.

The press conference began with a musical number by singer Nadia Khristean, who works with different organizations to further their causes.

Former Mrs. Utah, Rachelle Rutherford, and Miss Utah, Kindra Kauer, then joined Kelly and Dingman onstage to commend Dingman for her bravery and talk about abuse issues. Both Rutherford and Kauer were victims of abuse and have championed platforms targeting various types of abuse while serving as Mrs. Utah and Miss Utah, respectively.

Rutherford was a victim of child sexual abuse and didn’t come forward until she was 42 years old. Research conducted by the national Centers for Disease Control estimates that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before age 18.

Kim Lowe, a member of the Utah School Nurse Association, joined Rep. Ken Ivory, R-West Jordan, onstage to talk about Utah laws concerning the sexual abuse of children. Ivory, a member of the Utah House of Representatives from the District 47, spoke about two recent bills in the Utah legislature.

HB277, which passed in 2015, eliminated the statute of limitations for the sexual abuse of children. Ivory said sexually abused children are shamed into silence and often, it takes decades for them to come forward. However, the bill only applies to those who were younger than 22 years old when the bill passed.

“I would get calls on a weekly basis, sometimes multiple times a week, after they found out we passed this bill,” Ivory said. “People would call and tell me their horrific stories and then they would ask, ‘Will this bill help me?’ and I’d have to tell (those older than 22 when the bill passed,) ‘Sorry this bill doesn’t help you.'”

Ivory set out to help victims who weren’t covered by the bill passed in 2015 with help from his wife and other activists. In 2016, the Utah legislature passed HB279, which revives the statute of limitations to 53 years, and if a victim was already 53 years old when the bill passed, they have been given three years from that time to file a claim. Ivory said this opens the door for everyone who has been abused as a child.

Ivory said he is proud of Dingman for coming forward and sharing her story.

“One voice — even one 10-year-old voice — can change the world,” Ivory said. “We can change the laws, and we can change policy, and we can protect people … so this never happens to anyone else ever again.”

Time to Rescue will hold another live web stream on its Facebook page  page with Dingman on Monday, May 8. Lowe’s daughter, Anastasia Pollock, is the clinical director for Lifestone Therapy and will be speaking next week about her personal experiences. She will also speak on the importance of parental awareness to recognize the symptoms of abuse.

Heart-breaking Inter-generational Consequences of Child Sex Abuse

Children of childhood sex abuse victim REMOVED from her care after ruling

A WOMAN who was a victim of sexual abuse throughout her childhood has had her three children taken from her care after judges concluded that they were also at risk.

    High Court in London  GETTY

The woman complained that the local authority social services department which "allowed my childhood to be ripped apart" had "turned on me and removed my children".

She said social workers had not considered what help could have been offered.

Bosses have accepted that the council had "failed" the woman when she was a child.

They also appear to have failed her as an adult. Every sexually abused child needs counselling both as a child and an adult in order to overcome the severe psychological damage that CSA causes. This should be the right of every survivor, regardless of cost. The cost to the survivor for not getting that help is horrendous as this case reveals. This is not a one-off!

One judge who examined her case said it was impossible not to have a "very significant degree of sympathy".

Detail of the case has emerged in a Court of Appeal judge's ruling which has been published following a hearing in London.

Neither the woman nor the council involved has been identified in the ruling, published by Lord Justice McFarlane.

It is impossible to approach any consideration of [her] case without a very significant degree of sympathy for her

Lord Justice McFarlane

A judge based in the Family Division of the High Court in London had initially assessed social workers' concerns at a private hearing in 2015.

Mrs Justice Theis had ruled that the woman's children - aged between a few months and three - should be placed for adoption.

She concluded that the woman had been involved in relationships with men she knew were sex abusers - and those relationships put the children at risk.

The judge said the woman was a "very damaged young person, who had been the victim of serious sexual assaults from a young age" - and concluded that her "vulnerability to be drawn into such relationships again in the future remained unchecked".

Mrs Justice Theis said she did not blame the woman, adding that she had a deal of sympathy.

The woman then asked Lord Justice McFarlane to consider her case - at a public Court of Appeal hearing.

Silhouette of a woman  GETTY
Neither the woman nor the council involved has been identified in the ruling

But Lord Justice McFarlane has ruled that Mrs Justice Theis's decision should stand.

He said the woman had no prospect of winning an appeal.

"It is impossible to approach any consideration of [her] case without a very significant degree of sympathy for her," said Lord Justice McFarlane in his written ruling.

"(She) was herself a victim ... of sexual abuse within (her) family from a young age and throughout her childhood."

He added: "The local authority has accepted that, in the past, it has failed this family and, in particular, [the woman] when she was a child."

But he said the woman had not come close to showing that Mrs Justice Theis had been wrong to rule that her children should be placed for adoption.

The woman had written a statement in which she told Lord Justice McFarlane: "I was robbed of my childhood and self-esteem. I did not know how to say 'no' or how to assess a situation.

"I feel that the same local authority that allowed my childhood to be ripped apart and taken away from me, turned on me and removed my children without considering what help could have been offered to me to enable me [to] safeguard my children."

Child Sex Abuse Victim Speaks Out About Sickening Abuse

Child sex abuse victim speaks out about sickening abuse as her paedophile attacker jailed for seven years

BY RED WILLIAMS

Brave Sianne Mann, 36, has blasted sick Nicholas Tilley, who she says has destroyed her life after she took almost three decades to pluck up the courage to report him

Sianne Mann has spoken out

A courageous child sex abuse victim has spoken out about the abuse she suffered at the hands of an evil pervert as he is jailed for seven years.

Brave Sianne Mann, 36, has blasted sick paedophile Nicholas Tilley, 47, hoping that by speaking out she will inspire other sex abuse victims living in silence to come forward.

Defiant Sianne said she was haunted for years by vile Tilley's abuse and it took her almost three decades to pluck up enough courage to report her twisted tormentor to police.

It then emerged that the sick paedophile had also abused another young schoolgirl.

And a court heard Tilley had also been jailed in 2008 for child sex crimes.

Tilley assaulted Sianne, whose marriage has collapsed under the intense strain, when she was just seven while his then-girlfriend was child-minding her.

Almost 30 years on, Sianne, of Ipswich, Suffolk, last night said depraved Tilley had “destroyed her life” but declared: “Now, I’m relieved.

“I feel like I’m not scared of him any more because I stood up to him.

“If there are girls out there who are scared to come forward - don’t be scared, talk to someone. “You don’t have to go through it on your own.”


Tilley was jailed for seven years last week at Ipswich Crown Court for assaults on Sianne and another girl.

The evil brute targeted Sianne at her family home in Stowmarket, Suffolk, in the 1980s.

At the time Tilley also lived in the area.

Sianne, who had a baby son at 17, said: “It was something that haunted me every day. There wasn’t a day that went by that it wasn’t in my head at least once.

“It affected my relationships with friends and family. I hate him. “He’s destroyed my life. I had another life planned – my family had another life planned for me. “Because of what he did I went completely off the rails.”

She added: “I became a delinquent. I was running off. “It was like I couldn’t be in the house. My relationship with my mum went downhill. “At 11 years old I went to live with my grandmother because it became traumatic for my mum.

“I was a good little girl before it happened. I was that sweet little girl that everyone liked.Then by the age of nine or 10 I was horrible. “By 13 to 14 I was mixing with drugs and alcohol, and used them to let things out. At 17 I had my son and got my life back on track. I managed to bury what happened. “He was my saviour.”


Tilley was sentenced at Ipswich Crown Court

However, Sianne said as the years passed her health began to deteriorate again and she was referred for help.

She praised a mental health support group she was attending for playing its part in helping her to report Tilley to police. “Luckily I have had a lot of support from a lot of brilliant people," she said.

“The police officers and others who worked with me during the case were outstanding. “When I first went to the police I was at the point where I had had a lot of therapy and was quite well. By the time I went to court I was a mess.

“In the last two-and-a-half years my mental health went downhill, my marriage broke down. I became so ill. “It was like I was on a roller coaster and it started eating away at anything good in my life until all that was left was the court case.

These symptoms of child sex abuse - rebellion, toxic relationships, risky lifestyle, mental illness, marriage breakdowns - are far too common for survivors. Many will say that it destroyed their lives, and from the perspective of what they had planned or expected for themselves, that is often the case. Certainly, as Sianne says, it throws your life completely off-track. It also makes your life more difficult by an exponential factor - depression, difficulty with relationships, fears, inability to focus, etc. 

But it doesn't get better by keeping it inside. It has to come out or you are doomed to suffer from it all your life. When it does come out, things may become quite difficult for awhile. There's something about talking that makes a thing more real. But you have to get through that, and once you do, you have a chance to overcome much of the damage that has been done, and you may also have the opportunity to help others who, like yourself, are sorely in need of help.

“In the last 12 months I have not been able to move forward or think about the future because I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be. “I don’t know what the future has in store but I’m hopeful.”

By refusing to hide behind a cloak of anonymity Sianne hopes she will inspire other sex assault victims to find the courage to alert police.

“I think people are scared. I was scared for 29 years, but a friend of mine gave me the impetus to go to the police. I would say ‘don’t be scared, the police will help’.

“The police did their job so well he is now in prison and not going to harm anyone else.

“If there are girls out there who are scared to come forward - don’t be scared, talk to someone,” she said. “You don’t have to go through it on your own."

“If I can turn things – horrible, horrible things – that happened to me into a positive, then something good has come out of it in the end.”

Tilley was convicted of three offences of indecent assault on Sianne and another schoolgirl. He had denied the charges.

At Tilley’s sentencing, Judge David Goodin branded his offences “grubby and disgraceful”.

The court also heard that in 2008 he was convicted of two offences of sexual assault on a six-year-old girl and possessing and making indecent images of children.

Tilley was locked up for six years.

During his latest trial the jury was told he was 19 when he sexually assaulted the-then seven-year-old Sianne while he was with his babysitting girlfriend.

Tilley told Sianne she was his “special girl” and that what took place was “their secret”.

Sianne tipped off detectives in 2014.

During their enquiries the second victim came forward and said Tilley, now of Fulbourn, Cambridgeshire, had indecently touched her when she was 11 or 12.

Actress Gabrielle Union, a Child-Rape Survivor, in a Difficult Place

Actress stars in controversial film ‘Birth of a Nation’,

whose director was accused and acquitted of rape

FILE - In this June 26, 2016, file photo, Gabrielle Union, from left, Nate Parker present the award for Dr. Bobby Jones best gospel/inspirational award at the BET Awards at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles. In an opinion piece for the Los Angeles Times published on Sept 2, 2016, Union writes that she can't take lightly rape allegations made against Parker lightly. (Photo by Matt Sayles/Invision/AP, File)

As a rape survivor, victim’s advocate and an actress in The Birth of a Nation, Gabrielle Union has found herself in an impossible position. Union recently, along with the much of the world, learned that her film’s director, writer, producer and star, Nate Parker, was accused and acquitted of rape 17 years ago.

Nate Parker - writer, director, producer and star

acquitted of rape 17 years ago

She collected her thoughts in a nuanced opinion piece for the Los Angeles Times Friday, writing that while she cannot take the allegations lightly, the film also addresses and raises important questions about this very matter.

It’s also the latest high-profile complication for a film that just a month ago was presumed to be one of the year’s most vital - a powerful awards contender and a possible antidote for the #OscarsSoWhite Hollywood diversity crisis.

Yet the film, which fetched a record acquisition price at the Sundance Film Festival in January, is now in the shadow of persistent controversy just weeks away from its October 7 release.

In the film, about Nat Turner’s 1831 slave rebellion, Union’s character is raped, though it’s not depicted on screen. It’s why the actress took the part, she writes. She wanted to give voice to women of history, especially black women, who have for so long been silenced on the matter.

“I knew I could walk out of our movie and speak to the audience about what it feels like to be a survivor,” Union wrote.

Gabrielle Union - raped as a child at gunpoint in a Payless

Union, who was raped at gunpoint in the backroom of a Payless shoe store 24 years ago, says she’s been “in a state of stomach-churning confusion” since learning of Parker’s 1999 rape case.

The rape allegation came while Parker was a student and wrestler at Penn State University. Parker was acquitted, though his college roommate Jean Celestin (who co-wrote The Birth of a Nation) was initially found guilty of sexual assault. That conviction was later overturned when the accuser declined to testify for a trial.


Profound sorrow

The case garnered a lot of attention at Penn State. Parker and Celestin allegedly harassed the accuser on campus. The incident spawned a civil lawsuit by the woman against the college, with a settlement of $17,500 (Dh64,225).

Parker's accuser committed suicide in 2012

The recently renewed focus on the case also brought to light the fact the accuser committed suicide in 2012, which Parker, now married with five daughters, learned about from media reports. He wrote on his Facebook page that he was “filled with profound sorrow” and regretted that he didn’t “show enough empathy.” Parker also recently spoke to Ebony magazine about how he’s taking steps to grow and educate himself.

It remains unclear how all this might affect the release of the film, its public perception or even its awards chances. Distributor Fox Searchlight is proceeding with the October release and will still take the film, and Parker, to the Toronto International Film Festival this month. But things look very different from just a month ago when Parker was happily accepting a Sundance Vanguard Award and taking meetings in the White House.

Union’s op-ed “is certainly bad news for Searchlight, in that it keeps the focus firmly on this issue going into Toronto,” said David Poland, the editor in chief of MovieCityNews.com and a longtime industry observer. “I can’t say that the film won’t do business. It might. But half of what it might have. And its awards prospects are on their death bed.”

Yet Poland says one positive is that Union hasn’t quit on the film or its promotion. “That’s an implicit endorsement of Nate and the film, though with clear reservations,” he said. “That the rest of the cast will stick with the film at TIFF is also critical for Searchlight, which is holding on by its fingertips on this.”


Platform

Union, for her part, says that she has read the 700 pages of court transcript from the case and doesn’t know for sure what happened that night.

Instead of speculating on guilt or innocence, Union is using the platform to advocate for education and conversation on the topic of rape, consent and aggression, something she is also trying to do at home with her young son.

“Sexual violence happens more often

than anyone can imagine"

“I believe that the film is an opportunity to inform and educate so that these situations cease to occur,” Union wrote. “Sexual violence happens more often than anyone can imagine. And if the stories around this film do not prove and emphasize this, then I don’t know what does. It is my hope that we can use this as an opportunity to look within.”

Representatives for Fox Searchlight and Parker did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

Why LGBT Youth Are Susceptible to Sexual Abuse

It's extremely unusual for me to give space to a gay person on this blog, but what he has to say is important and should be read. I disagree with some of his assumptions, of course, but those truly interested in understanding the many colours of modern society will learn something here.

An issue we're afraid to talk about but need to. 

BY FABIO COTZA

It’s June and you can’t escape the rainbow.

As an openly gay man, I am proud to wave my rainbow flag. And so do countless corporations, media outlets, and politicians bringing an increased amount of attention to the LGBTQ community this time of year.

For a long time, the issue to rally behind was same-sex marriage. This meant a lot to me and my husband. Last year, a divided Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples can marry nationwide. After much celebration, the LGBTQ community collectively asked, “What’s next?”

While youth homelessness and violence in our community are among the most urgent issues we need to address, another, perhaps less talked about issue, is child sexual abuse.

Of children who are sexually abused, 20 percent are abused before the age of 8.

I was one of them.    So was I!

My landlord’s teenage son approached me on the sidewalk as I was playing and asked if I wanted to see all the toys in the basement. His family had been so nice to mine — I had no reason to not trust him, and my mind was full of curiosity of all the cool toys he would have.

It was a nightmare.

The things that happened behind those doors are now painful memories that I must live with forever.

Today, as the senior director of Safe Horizon’s Bronx Child Advocacy Center, I understand that it wasn’t my fault. I was a target. He had my trust. I was young. I was only 8.

But to be honest, there were times in my life that I wondered if I was also a target because my abuser saw something different in me.

Available research shows that LGBTQ youth are more likely to have experienced sexual abuse than heterosexual youth.

Why?

A critical piece is family and community acceptance. My colleague John Pickett, senior director of Safe Horizon’s Manhattan Child Advocacy Center, shared with me a story of an 11-year-old boy whose mom and dad suspected he was gay and were adamantly opposed. As a result, the young boy hid that part of himself that he knew his parents would never accept. When they weren't paying attention, he would secretly talk to other boys online. And it was through social media that he met three men in their 30s. Sexual abuse ensued. The older men had manipulated him into thinking what was happening was OK, preying on the young boy’s innocence and desire for acceptance.

This is a tragic story and certainly not at all unusual. Parents who ignore any aspect of their children's life - pretend it isn't there - are contributing to their children's problems and dramatically increasing risk factors for their child.

If there is something in your child you cannot accept, seek counselling for both the child and yourself. Don't allow that issue to build a wall between you; nothing good can come of it.

Then there is that well-known national statistic that as many as 40 percent of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ. Abuse and lack of acceptance at home are often contributing factors. But once on the street, these young people are extremely vulnerable and are more likely to engage in “survival sex” — trading sex to meet their basic needs like food, clothing, money, or just a place to sleep at night.

Runaway youth often tend to be rebellious. Rebellion may be a contributing factor in youth being willing to experience LGBTQ sex.

Perpetrators often believe that they can abuse with impunity because LGBTQ youth are already labeled as different by society and too often rejected by peers as well as family. Who will believe them if they come forward? Will anyone even care?

All of this paints the same picture: Child sexual abuse is an urgent issue and it deserves the LGBTQ community’s collective and immediate attention.

We need to stand together and demand justice for our community. But what does justice look like?


Statute of Limitations

Unfortunately, in my home state of New York, you receive a devastating present on your 23rd birthday as a survivor of childhood sex abuse. Your ability to file charges on most forms of childhood sex abuse expires.

I always say that I came out twice in life. First as a gay man in my early 20s and then at age 28 as a survivor of sexual assault when I was more able to process the horrible thing that happened to me and speak out. But unbeknownst to me, I was five years too late. My opportunity to file charges had expired. I often wonder, why do these arbitrary time limits exist when it can take years for a survivor to come forward? As it did for me.

So, now with marriage equality having been realized and with the question “What’s next?” I call on the LGBTQ community to make addressing the issues of child sexual abuse a priority. First, by supporting legislation, such as the Child Victims Act, currently before the New York legislature that would greatly expand the ability of adult survivors to seek civil and criminal damages. It would also create a one-year window for survivors to retroactively file civil damages against their abusers.

Other states have already done it. What's taking New York so long? Legislation including retrospective civil windows have passed in California, Delaware, Hawaii, and Minnesota, to name a few. Abusers should not be able to run out the clock. Not in New York. Not anywhere.

Survivors of this heinous crime, like myself, deserve justice.

FABIO COTZA is the senior director of Safe Horizon’s Bronx Child Advocacy Center. Safe Horizon is the nation’s leading victim services agency, empowering survivors of domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, and human trafficking to move from crisis to confidence.