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Singaporean child sex abuse survivor writes memoir
Memory is a tricky thing for survivors of sexual abuse, who often question if events happened the way they remember them. PHOTO: EPIGRAM BOOKS
Olivia Ho
Assistant Life Editor, Straits Times
PUBLISHED APR 10, 2021, 12:00 PM SGT
SINGAPORE - As a child-rights activist in Singapore, Sofia Abdullah deals every day with horrific cases of abuse. Few know, however, of her own.
Between the ages of eight and 14, Sofia (not her real name) was sexually abused by her grandfather.
The shame she felt was so great that she could not tell anyone, not even after his death in her late teens. It took her another 15 years to open up to her mother about the abuse.
Now, in her memoir The Years Of Forgetting, she is ready to tell the world.
"I've seen other survivors do it and I think it was cathartic for them," says Sofia, now in her 40s.
Her friend, who was also a survivor of abuse, died recently. "I wish I could have told her that I knew what it felt like to tell your story, to see it written down on paper."
The memoir was published by Epigram Books under a pseudonym to protect her family's privacy. The divorcee, who is single, says Sofia is the name she would have given her daughter, had she been able to have one.
Memory is a tricky thing for survivors of sexual abuse, who often question if events happened the way they remember them.
"You dissociate," says Sofia. "It's so traumatic, your brain shuts off." Though she reckons the abuse occurred over six years, she only recalls four incidents.
She did keep a journal in which she wrote about what happened to her. As a child, she thought and wrote predominantly in Malay; it was only in her teens that she switched to English, which she now thinks was an effort to distance herself from her trauma.
In 2015, when she decided she wanted to write the memoir, she revisited her journal. It was hard, she says. "Flood-inducing. Tears and tears. But I just felt that it was something that I needed to see."
The repercussions of the abuse have made themselves felt all the way into her adult life. She questioned if she, a child, had led her abuser on. She became anorexic and struggles with sexual intimacy, which she believes contributed to the breakdown of her marriage.
She grew emotionally distant from her family, especially her mother. "I think I forgave my grandfather, ironically, before I forgave my mum," she says.
"You expect your parents to be your protectors. It's not necessarily fair play, because she had absolutely no idea. There was this chasm between me and her."
Her mother was devastated when she found out about the abuse. "I just want her to understand," says Sofia. "I think a lot of survivors want to be loved unconditionally, because growing up, we never felt safe."
The book is constructed around the phases of the moon, a literary device inspired by Eleanor Catton's 2013 Booker Prize-winning novel The Luminaries, which makes use of astrology in its structure.
The moon was often a source of solace for Sofia when she was lonely or could not talk to anyone about what she was going through.
Even today, it is not easy for her to revisit the past. The last few weeks, she says, have been emotionally wrenching for her as she put the final touches on the book.
"I go through every single proof as it comes back and it triggers me. I've had crying episodes for weeks."
What she hopes, however, is that readers who have endured something similar will be able to recognise themselves in her story.
"People minimise what they've been through, especially in our culture with the stigma surrounding abuse. They don't get help. And they should," she says.
"If I can prevent one more child from going through what I've been through - that's why the story needs to be told."
Depraved Welsh couple planned sexual abuse of young girl
By Iwan Gabe Davies @daviesgabe
Senior Multimedia Reporter, South Wales Argus
A “TRULY despicable” paedophile sexually abused a toddler after he and his girlfriend had planned for her to be alone with him.
Colmer was jailed for more than 17 years while Vicary’s sentence was adjourned for the preparation of psychological reports.
Judge David Wynn Morgan told Colmer: “This case reveals behaviour by you and Shannon Vicary of an almost unimaginable level of depravity. You are a truly despicable human being.
"No one can yet assess the level of damage done to your victim. You pose a considerable risk of danger to young children."
The judge added: “You admitted that you were sexually interested in children and fantasized about committing acts on children. Shannon Vicary may not have been interested in children.
“She was however plainly anxious to assist in the gratification of your sexual desires. You planned these offences and were encouraging each other.”
Prosecutor Matthew Cobbe said Colmer had filmed the assaults on his iPad.
He told the court: “There were messages between the couple in which they were eagerly anticipating the opportunity to abuse the child. She was extremely vulnerable due to her youth and there was a significant degree of planning.”
The victim’s mother told of how: “This has devastated me and my family.”
When Colmer was arrested, police also found hundreds of child abuse images.
Colmer, of Church Road, Newport, pleaded guilty to sexual assault, inciting a child to engage in sexual activity and taking an indecent photograph of a child.
He also admitted making indecent images of children, having 187 at category A, the most serious kind, 187 at category B and 277 at category C.
Vicary, also of Church Road, Newport, pleaded guilty to arranging or facilitating the commission of a child sex offence.
Nigel Fryer, mitigating for Colmer, said: “It may sound trite but he does apologise for his behaviour. He recognises he has a serious problem and understands these are frankly disgusting offences.”
His barrister asked for his client’s guilty pleas to be taken into consideration and said the defendant was a man of previous good character with no convictions recorded against him.
Colmer was handed an extended jail sentence for the public protection of 17 years and four months.
Outside the court, the officer in the case DC Chloe Collins said: "I welcome the sentence given today. This was a complex and very sensitive investigation due the nature of the offending and I am grateful for the work of our cybercrime unit and Caerphilly social services throughout.
"I hope that the result today goes some way to offer some comfort to the child involved and her family. They have shown such resilience in what has been an extremely difficult and upsetting time for them."
Former head of Prince Edward County CAS sentenced to probation
APRIL 12, 2021 - 6:35 PM
NICOLE KLEINSTEUBER NEWS, QUINTE
Ontario: The former executive director of the now-defunct Prince Edward Children’s Aid Society has been sentenced to two years probation for failing to protect children from being abused by their foster parents.
William Sweet, 70 appeared before Justice Stephen Hunter at the Superior Count in Picton on Union Street on Monday and pleaded guilty to a provincial offence of permitting a Child and Family Services Act contravention by the corporation which meant youth in care were not sufficiently protected, resulting in abuse. Sweet was the executive director from 1986 to 2012. He has since retired.
As part of a plea bargain, Crown Peter Napier withdrew 10 counts each of criminal negligence causing bodily harm and of failing to provide necessaries of life. Napier noted a lengthy and complicated trial would have lasted two months.
The withdrawn charges stem from an OPP investigation into the agency's operations between 2002 and 2010. Those criminal cases resulted in six foster parents being charged with sex crimes against their foster children; five were convicted at trial. The investigation against Sweet began in early 2016, and it encompassed a review of previous child sexual abuse investigations and convictions, trial transcripts and the outcome of subsequent civil proceedings. The society’s Prince Edward branch amalgamated in 2013 with Highland Shores Children’s Aid. That followed a review by Ontario’s Ministry of Children and Youth Services.
During Sweet's time as executive director, Napier said there were numerous complaints about foster parents that resulted in inadequate responses from and filed reports by the society. He said Sweet failed to uphold the standards of the agency’s mandate.
Shattered and haunted lives
The court heard three from three victims on Monday who relived childhoods of horrific physical, verbal and sexual abuse at the hands of those they trusted. The trauma coupled with not being believed when they spoke out continues to have a lasting impact on their lives well into womanhood. All their identities are protected by a publication ban.
The first woman who is now 26, relived years of suicide attempts, drug addiction and impacted relationships.
"I lived through unspeakable events," she stated. "You (Sweet) were the only person with the power to make it stop. You gave up on me and covered it up."
She spoke of having to shower multiple times a day and yet no amount of scrubbing would ever make her feel clean.
“I wish I were taken more seriously when I came forward. It has been 16 years of trauma.”
The second woman now 27 provided a glimpse into what it was like living through multiple forms of abuse in a 'haunted house.'
"That house twisted what love was," she said. None of her social workers believed her when she told them what was happening to her.
"I dread holidays because they remind me of the childhood I never had and the family I don’t have.”
A third woman who is nearly 30 stated it has taken her decades to pick up her life and move forward. She explained how her ability to trust anyone including herself 'has been deeply compromised.'
“I find it deeply troubling that all of this could have been prevented if allegations and calls of concern had been taken seriously by Children’s Aid,” she said.
"I have lost faith in my intuition," she said. "I have lost faith in my judge of character. I have lost my faith in a system whose duty it is to protect the most vulnerable. I have almost lost faith in humanity."
She admitted she worries for future generations if these ‘systemic issues are not resolved.’
“These are the things that keep me up at night,” she said. “These are the things that I so desperately want to change, and I won’t rest until we are all heard and believed.”
Failed by a system set up to help and protect
"I know that nothing that I can say can take away the pain you have felt," Sweet said, speaking to the victims directly. "I am deeply sorry for the things that happened to them during foster care. You deserved to be listened to. You deserved to be believed. You trusted the adults entrusted your safety would take care of you. The system failed you. We all failed you and that includes me. You deserved better."
“You have helped bring meaningful change,” he said, hoping that they find comfort in the lasting impact they have made on the child's lives who have come after them.
Hunter thanked the victims for their courage and strength in raising their voices.
"Haunted, wounded, terrorized, abused and traumatized are not words we as a society wish to associate with the care of our children," said Hunter. "Young people going from troubled childhoods should be able to expect love, trust, compassion and above all safety in foster care."
Unfortunately and tragically Hunter said it is recognized by Sweet himself ‘the processes put in place do not always achieve their goals.’
Resources have increased and processes have changed he noted and 'the agency has transformed.'
"Most significant at this juncture is the recognition that certain reports were not filed that should have been," Hunter said. "Some investigations were not adequate. Corrective procedures were not timely and certain foster homes remained open longer than they should have. Record-keeping policies worked against adequate transparency and prevented appropriate supervision."
Those factors underlined and in the court's mind he said justified the finding of responsibility here. Hunter added it is critical to recognize that Sweet did not commit the acts of abuse that were perpetrated by those who have been convicted and sentenced by the criminal courts.
"His genuine acceptance of responsibility for the failures of the process here did not speak to the character of the person who stands before you," he said.
Hunter said he accepted an agreed statement of facts and a joint submission for sentencing as proposed by Napier and defence lawyer William McDowell because he was 'more than satisfied both in action and character Sweet does not warrant a criminal conviction.
Were the women 'more than satisfied' with the results?
Sweet must spend two years on probation and make donations to Prince Edward County Memorial Hospital Foundation fund, Easter Seals and St. Gregory’s Church in Picton totalling $3,000. Sweet must also perform 100 hours of community service.
Tami Callahan Executive Director for Highland Shores Children’s Aid commented that the case's closure 'brings a big sense of relief for the young people who have been most impacted."
"I'm pleased that this will bring a big sense of closure for them," she said. "For the young people who are at the center of this I wish them the best and hope that they are able to move forward and know that this is behind them."
“I am buoyed by the resilience and humanity you have shown," Hunter said in his closing. "Hope is a strong medicine which I believe can give you comfort going forward.”
I wish there was some consequence more than a slap on the wrist.
B.C. man jailed again for refusing to remove revenge website
targeting ex-wife
CBC News ·
Posted: Apr 12, 2021 2:10 PM PT
Patrick Fox served two years of a four-year sentence handed down in 2017 for criminal harassment after creating a website intended to 'destroy' his ex-wife. He was sentenced on Monday for breach of probation, following his release. (CBC)
A Burnaby, B.C., man convicted of harassing his ex-wife with a vulgar website and torrent of threatening emails is heading back to jail for continually refusing to pull the site down.
Patrick Fox, 47, was sentenced in Vancouver on Monday to one year and four months in jail for breaching his probation. He was charged after leaving the website up and running, despite multiple court orders to take it down after his original jail term.
After credit for time served, Fox has six more months left in his new sentence.
Fox was first sentenced to four years in prison in 2017 for an online harassment campaign tormenting his ex-wife.
The website falsely labelled his ex-wife, Desiree Capuano, as a white supremacist, child abuser and drug addict. The site, which has now been up for seven years, calls Capuano a "horrible, lying, sociopathic monster" and also contained intimate photos.
Fox used Google ads to direct internet traffic from workplaces and neighbourhoods near Capuano's home in Arizona to his website. After credit for time served, Fox was released after spending two years in prison. He was supposed to remove the website and remain on probation for three years.
Last August, after another run-in with authorities, Fox said he would never deactivate the site.
"They can lock me up for the rest of my life, but I will never take down the website," he said in a post.
So, I'm thinking he must have been really, really hurt badly to have this much hate. Either that or he has some serious mental issues.
Desiree Capuano pictured in 2017. (CBC)
Fox was arrested again in Vancouver last September. His sentence Monday also includes another year of probation.
"The probation order includes protective conditions regarding his former spouse and her family, and he has also been directed once again to remove any websites in her name or directed at her," the Crown said in an email.
Authorities have been unable to remove the revenge website because it's operated through a server in a foreign country.
Online harassment was only a 'game' of witty banter, says Patrick Fox's lawyer
Thousands of emails
At the time of Fox's 2017 conviction, a B.C. Supreme Court justice described his harassment as "boundless." Court heard Fox sent hundreds of thousands of emails to Capuano and people she knew. Court also heard how Fox allegedly bragged he copied 600 to 1,200 people, including co-workers, on emails that insulted Capuano and detailed her personal life.
In one email, Fox promised to "ruin" Capuano's life and "destroy" her "slowly and incrementally."
Capuano ultimately lost her IT job in 2015. She said she was told "security risks" posed by Fox's behaviour were part of the reason for the job loss.
Fox's was a landmark case in how criminal harassment charges are applied in Canada, as he only attacked his wife online. The case was also one of the first Canadian attempts to use the charge of criminal harassment to counter online attacks.
Paedophile, convicted in Iceland, arrested in Murcia, Spain,
over abuse of eight children
CREDIT: Guardia Civil
By Tara Rippin, Euro Weekly
3 April 2021 @ 17:590
THE 59-year-old Icelandic man was convicted of sexually abusing children in his home country in 1988 and has since been living abroad, according to the Guardia Civil.
He is said to have gained the trust of young victims by offering them “small financial rewards”, and during a police investigation, a mobile phone and laptop containing pornographic and paedophile material have been seized.
As part of ‘Paseadores’ (walkers) operation, the suspect was arrested in connection with eight crimes of sexual abuse, committed against children in the municipality of Torrepacheco, Murcia.
“The detainee, who has been remanded into custody, had a criminal record for pedophilia in his country of origin dating back to 1988 when he was convicted of having had sexual relations with four children,” said police in a statement.
An investigation was launched when several families reported that their children could have been “sexually abused by an Icelandic citizen, a resident of a hamlet in Torrepacheco, since the summer of 2020”.
Officers managed to identify, locate and arrest the suspect and found child pornographic material on a number of electronic devices.
“The detainee always used the same modus operandi to approach his victims and gain their trust. When he already had a level of friendly relationship with them, he offered them small financial rewards to try to sexually abuse them,” said police.
The Guardia Civil collaborated with Interpol to check if he had any outstanding or pending cases with international justice, and it became apparent the detainee “has lived in several Latin American countries in recent years”.
The case has been passed to the Court of Instruction number 4 of San Javier in Murcia.
Child rapist's victims will have 'nightmares for years'
after regular abuse
Mariné Lourens
16:52, Apr 14 2021
“Get out of here, you lowlife.”
With these words a convicted child rapist was led away to begin serving a 13-year prison sentence, after he sexually abused two young girls, causing them to have “nightmares for years”.
Earnest Harold William Hazelwood, 49, was sentenced in the Christchurch District Court on Wednesday on numerous charges relating to two victims.
He was found guilty by rape during a jury trial in January of indecent assault, unlawful sexual connection, six charges of doing an indecent act, two of sexual violation by unlawful sexual connection, and one of sexual violation.
The first incident happened in 2004 in Christchurch when Hazelwood entered the bedroom where the first victim, who was 16 at the time, was sleeping.
In 2005, Hazelwood targeted another victim, this time a six-year-old girl.
The abuse went on for a period of four years, with Hazelwood offending against the victim on an almost weekly basis.
During the trial, Hazelwood maintained his innocence saying the allegations were all part of a “campaign and vendetta” against him. This was rejected by the jury.
On Wednesday, Judge Mark Callaghan said it was partly due to Hazelwood’s unwillingness to accept responsibility for his actions that he was assessed as being at a high risk of reoffending.
The judge said while Hazelwood suffered significant deprivation as a child, using drugs and alcohol from an early age, his offending could never be justified by the deprivation he suffered.
In a statement read on behalf of one of the victims, she said the abuse caused her to have nightmares for years, and she still had a distrust of men. She was cautious about any men that have contact with her daughter, and felt “closed off” from others.
The judge recognised the significant impact of the abuse on the victims, the vulnerability of the girls, the premeditation of Hazelwood’s actions, and the severity of the abuse as aggravating factors in determining the sentence. He gave him some credit for his harsh upbringing.
Hazelwood kept a stony expression on his face as the sentence was read out, before he was escorted out of court. As he was led away, a family member of one of the victims rushed towards the dock shouting, “Go on, get out of here you lowlife. How dare you do that to children.”
Hazelwood has a number of previous convictions ranging back to 1990, but had not previously been convicted of sexual offences. He will now be placed on the child sex offenders register.
Where to get help for sexual violence
Rape Crisis 0800 88 33 00, click link for local helplines.
Victim Support 0800 842 846, text 4334, webchat safetotalk.nz or email support@safetotalk.nz.
The Harbour Online support and information for people affected by sexual abuse.
Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843 (females only)
Male Survivors Aotearoa Helplines across NZ, click to find out more (males only).
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111.
'He knew her age, he knew she was a child'
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Sex abuse case could set national precedent
Arthur Williams / Prince George Citizen
APRIL 13, 2021 01:09 PM
The interior of Courtroom 104 at the Prince George courthouse. John Deacon Q.C. courthouses.co
Crown prosecution is seeking 10 to 13 years in prison for an autistic man who sexually abused and took pornographic photos of a girl when she was only five-to-seven years old.
The lawyer for the man, in contrast, proposed a sentence of two years in prison, less a day – the maximum jail time that can be served in provincial custody – followed by three years probation.
Defence lawyer Matthew James called the Crown's proposed sentence "drastically disproportionate to the nature of the offence, and the nature of (the man)."
The man, who cannot be named under a court-ordered publication ban to protect the identity of the victim, was living in the home of a family member in Prince George, Crown prosecutor Lisa Sukkau told the court on Friday. The family trusted the man alone with their young daughter, who was a member of his extended family.
Happens all the time. Don't trust men or older boys with your daughters regardless of their apparent character.
Over a period of years he took hundreds of images of her naked body, escalating to sexually touching her on the buttocks and eventually attempting to rape her, Sukkau said.
"(The man) abused his position of trust. (The offences) took place in her home, in her bedroom. The place where she is supposed to be safest," Sukkau said. "(He) tried to have sex with this young child – it just doesn't get worse than that."
The man denies the charges, and was convicted after a trial for sexual interference of a person under 16, invitation to sexual touching of a person under 16, sexual assault, making or publishing child pornography, possession of child pornography and accessing child pornography.
Sukkau said the Crown is seeking seven to 10 years in jail for the charges related the sexual interference of a minor, plus three additional years for the charges related to making child pornography, in what could become a precedent-setting case.
Sentences must increase - Supreme Court
The case is one of the first of its kind to come forward following a landmark April 2020 Supreme Court of Canada decision. In the case of R. vs. Justyn Kyle Napoleon Friesen, the Supreme Court ruled that jail sentences for sexual offences against children need to increase to reflect changes to federal law and "because society’s understanding of the gravity and harmfulness of these offences has deepened."
High single-digit and double-digit jail sentences "should be neither unusual nor reserved for rare or exceptional circumstances," the Supreme Court ruled.
The Supreme Court ruling is clear that old sentencing guidelines and precedents no longer apply, Sukkau said.
"There is no case that is the same, thankfully," she said. "It's a dangerous path to not denounce and deter people from sexually abusing children."
While a psychological assessment ordered by the court found the man was on the autism spectrum, and has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), the report found his disability was not responsible for him committing the crime, Sukkau said. The man had previously lived independently, prior to moving in to the victim's home.
The assessment found he had little empathy, was very self-focused, and continued to deny and take no responsibility for his actions, she added.
In addition, he engaged in "grooming behaviour," telling his victim that what they were doing was normal, and warning her not to tell anyone, she told the court. He committed his crimes when the two were alone together.
"They were planned, they were deliberate," Sukkau said. "He knew her age, he knew she was a child. (He) never misunderstood that he shouldn't have sex with (the victim)."
The fact the victim was able to stay composed during her testimony should be a credit to her strength and resilience, not interpreted as a lack of harm, Sukkau said. Often it takes years for victims of sexual abuse to fully be able to articulate the harm they have suffered.
"No sentence will reverse the harm that (the man) has done to his victim," Sukkau said. "(But) it will do justice. (It will show) the reprehensible preying on children will never be tolerated."
There is more to this story on the Prince George Citizen
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