Dave O’Regan, leads the way in silence breaking: "Two photos of me. Twelve-year-old Little Davy to the left, and me on the right. Davy was frozen in time, broken and fractured by the Catholic Priest who chose to criminally sexual abuse him, shattering his world.
Davy and I split at a young age. Davy was broken, stuck, unable to move past the horror of the abuse. I moved on growing older, developing physically, but maturing not so well.
As I grew, I held on to a deep level of guilt, hostility, and self-hatred. I acted out horribly, and would fight anyone who looked at me the wrong way; I had severe trust issues with adults and authority figures. I tried to kill the pain with alcohol, that only made matter worse. I never did understand my behavior, why I had zero self-esteem, and felt I wasn't worthy to be loved or give love.
Thankfully in 2002, The Boston Globe came out with "Spotlight" The investigation of child sexual abuse and the cover-up by the leaders of the Roman Catholic Church.
This triggered PTSD in me causing the memories I had fought to suppress for forty years to all come flooding into my head. It was then I saw and felt the extreme pain little Davy suffered. He could not get past the horror of what happened to him. I moved on in life corrupted, with the effects of deep wounds Davy suffered. I left him behind; he was unable to move forward in life, not comprehending how a man of God could hurt him, blaming himself, thinking I'm evil and this is how bad kids get their punishment.
The pain of the reality of what Davy suffered was overwhelming me then. I fell into deep depression, suffered nightmares, and flashbacks of my abuser attacking me, never knowing when or where I would be, I needed help and thankfully help was there for me.
At 52 years old I began my healing journey from sexual abuse. It has not been an easy road, the journey is slow and continues to this day.
I had a moment along with my journey when I saw clarity with the image of Davy in my head, looking at his innocence, and how he was manipulated by and used by a sick perverted Catholic Priest who selfishly stole my innocence.
Davy and I are coming together as one, more and more, and this healing is by me soaking Davy with love, When I have bad feeling during the day I examine them, and if related to my abuse, I put Davy's image in my head, telling him It was not your fault, and that I love him. The more I like and love him, the more complete we become as one.
Healing from sexual abuse is a lifelong journey, we can and do improve, the road gets difficult at times.
The more I can love Davy the more we become one again."
Dave O’Regan
worcestersnap@gmail.com
Worcester-Boston SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests)
Facilitator
413-779-8364
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