"Not all are narcissists are sexual predators,
but all sexual predators are narcissistic sociopaths"
By Athena Staik, Ph.D.
PsychCentral
Can you spot a narcissist**? And the warning signs that a narcissistic psychopath may be scheming to exploit you to serve their interests and pleasure at the expense of your own?
Narcissists self-identify with at least 7 narcissistic traits, rigidly regard these as proof of their superiority, self-worth and esteem, and their right to double standard entitlements to exploit and abuse with impunity. The below warning signs speak to who they really, really believe and lust to be, beneath their array of disguises.
1. They present a consistent pattern predatory behaviors.
Did your relationship develop too fast, feel too good to be true at the start? Did he seem to be so in tune to what you love and want, to say and do just the right things (love bombing) that created a fairy tale illusion around who he is, what he wants for you and your relationship?
Looking back months or years later, did his words mirror your highest hopes and wishes for a guy and relationship, and yet were never or rarely backed by consistent actions that said he truly genuinely valued you as a person? For example, did he promise to never cheat, yet was protective of his cell or dismissed your concerns about female “friends” in his life or at work?
In effect, now, do you hold an idealized image of him that gets you to protect him from the criticism of others, overlook glaring incongruences, repeated wrongs and cruel actions at emotional, mental levels, perhaps also physical or sexual as well? Have you consistently reacted by making excuses in your mind or to others? And, did this gradual lowering of your expectations, result in your lowering expectations for him and simultaneously raising them for yourself?
Narcissists seek to prey on women with certain vulnerabilities, to exploit them sexually, emotionally, perhaps financially and physically. They have studied their subject. Being cowards, they prey on the vulnerable. They know, for example, that women are socialized to be “nice” and “please” others, often find it hard to say no to men in particular. They intentionally abuse, shame, cajole and gaslight their victims, to make them feel confused, crazy, blamed for the narcissist’s misery, responsible to protect them from being held accountable for their wrongs.
Not all are narcissists are sexual predators, but all sexual predators are narcissistic sociopaths. Sociopaths are predators that link their self-identity to acts of violence and, or violating the rights of those they perceive as inferior. A narcissist regards women as a sport, a thrilling sex game between objects, hunters and prey. They pretend-talk about “love” and “relationships,” especially at first, and occasionally as needed, to trap women into to trusting their snare of lies. In cases of sexual assault or child sexual abuse, similarly, they use love-bombing to disarm those they prey upon, and terrorize them into silence, warning them against revealing the “secret” and making them feel responsible to protect the narcissist from scrutiny and potential harm
2. They self-identify as intentionally, willfully exploitive.
Did you feel flattered by all the attention at the start, how interested he was to hear you pore your heart out, share your deepest fears, past wounds and so on? Did you increasingly notice that he used the personal details of your experiences to his benefit, to build a case against you? If so, it may be that, while you were bamboozled into thinking he was your dream boat, he was really putting together a nightmare for you.
As predators, narcissists views others as objects to exploit for their own gain; they study those they prey on as a group carefully. They know what women want, how to play with their minds, and gain their trust. They gather data from women in past relationships, and, added to yours, they use this to create illusions that match your biggest wishes, and insecurities, to disarm and make you feel you can totally trust them. This allows them, literally, to do wrong in plain sight.
And now, looking back, is it nearly impossible to make a request, state an opinion, or express how you feel (about the way he treats you), without him acting enraged, or shifting the focus to making you feel bad, isolated, ashamed, unloved or judged by others as crazy or controlling, for saying the things you do? Does he automatically turn your every attempt to talk into a “conversation from hell”? Does he deprive you of attention, making you and, or your needs feel invisible? Does he do “something” to ruin each planned outing or special event?
While you thought you’d found a romantic prince charming, a soulmate, committed to you alone, a guy hat makes you feel you’re the only woman in the world, instead, he was gathering data, strategizing.
3. They self-identify with no moral compass.
Does he find some way to ruin a planned trip or date, or to never address behaviors that hurt you and, or your relationship? Do you blame yourself, for not being able to figure out how to get him to see how devoted and loyal you are?
Narcissism is a severe cognitive disturbance and is listed in the DSM as an enduring character disorder; this means the prognosis for healing is zero to none. The fact that a narcissist has no moral compass is what makes them a risk to others. They link their self-identity to violence and disregard for others rights, and they regard this as evidence of their superiority and right to dominate and exploit others, in particular, those they perceive as weak and inferior. Sadly, this disturbance causes them to rage against their own (and other’s) human impulses (true-self); they desperately cling on to an arbitrarily fashioned sense of false-self as superior and entitled to differential treatment, a super fragile ego that is like a house of cards.
This disturbance is characterized by the absence of values and objectives that normally guide behaviors and decision making in relationships. Nothing disgusts and repels narcissists more than human traits of caring, tenderness and compassion for others, and those those that emphasize values that elevate the moral treatment of all human beings. This explains why they identify as amoral; they view those who are as inferior and weak.
Narcissists feel scorn and disgust for those who identify and express human values and traits, such as empathy and caring. In their worldview, caring, kindness and moral treatment of other human beings are traits of those they prey on, in their mind, that “deserve” to be exploited and lied to, as prey.
4. They self-identify as con artists, pathological liars.
Does he gaslight you to shift the focus from what you want to talk about to pounding a list of your faults, more specifically, how “selfish,” “overly sensitive,” “controlling,” “emotionally crazy” and so on, he and “everyone” judges you to be? Do your conversations leave you confused, crazy, wondering what you could say or do to get him to understand, to invite him to work and partner with you, not control him, not tear him down?
Narcissists are expert con artists. Their game is to con women to participate in their own abuse and exploitation. Nothing gives them more pleasure than to deceive, manipulate another to do something against their will. It’s the purpose of the con game! To them, the means and ends are one. From their worldview, skillfully exploiting others, and getting them to blame themselves rather than the narcissist is proof of their “intelligence and “superiority” and thus, “entitles” them to dominate and exploit those they deem “feeble” and “inferior.”
They go by the motto of “might makes right.”
As they have no moral compass, narcissists view skills in con artistry and lies as a critical means to an end — to dominate, conquer, enslave. The goal is to confuse and drive women who are knowingly conditioned to be nice and give others the benefit of doubt, to slavishly participate in their own abuse and debasement.
They also are invested in the “might makes right” or “supremacist” value system, which itself is a house of cards based on lies. This worldview dupes men into rejecting their human “true-self” and instead linking their self identity to acts of violence and disregard for the rights of those deemed inferior and weak, more often women, children, weak men and nonwhites. Their shame based “false-self” realities are deeply ingrained. So much so that narcissists obsessively block and deny any evidence contrary to their belief that men are superior and therefore entitled to abuse and exploit women, for example.
They lie to promote a worldview in which their “false-self” superiority is real, a view that normalizes violence and cruelty as means for “strong” men to maintain dominance over the “weak.” This explains why a narcissist refuses to change! To change is to not exist. To them, “healing” is talk only the weak engage in. Indeed, their greatest fear is the true-self of self and others — human being! They desperately seek to deny or pathologies human yearnings for intimacy, closeness, collaboration. They need lies because their false-self does not exist in a world of truth about the power of love and creativity, collaboration and human connection!
5. They self-identify as abusers, bullies.
Narcissists are chronic abusers. At minimum, emotional and psychological. Like addicts, they intentionally seek to inflict pain or violate their partner’s rights. From this disordered mindset, if a person can be conned and get “hurt,” that makes them weak and stupid — and the narcissist strong and smart. Violating others with no remorse is linked to a rigid belief system that, in varying degrees from boyhood, shames men to display a callous disregard for their partner’s feelings to prove they deserve the status of belonging to the “cult of masculinity.”
In order to put up a façade of superiority, they constantly target their partners for ridicule, shame, scorn and punishment. They not only use fear and anger to terrorize their target into submission and silence, they also derive pleasure from instilling pain, subverting other’s will, making them uncomfortable, publicly shaming them, deprive them of their sense of self and peace of mind. They study their targets to know what they most need and fear, then force them to be in compromising situations, and do what is against their will, value system.
Thus, wherever they go, they form “we versus them” religious and secular cults. They refuse to “see” clear evidence, all around the world, that biologically all human beings, male and female, white and nonwhite, and so on, have tremendous capabilities, miracle making even, to excel and contribute intellectually, athletically and spiritually, etc., in meaningful ways! They are so invested in believing the lie that only males are “biologically” superior to females, and only whites to nonwhites, etc., that they have, for centuries and more, intentionally strategized to block women and nonwhites from opportunities to live self-sufficient lives.
6. They self-identify as heartless.
Does he question and accuse you of being a narcissist when you want attention, selfish for making requests of him, sensitive because you cry when he is abusive, controlling because you ask him to stop micromanaging you, and so on?
Narcissism is not merely a label. It is a serious cognitive disturbance, a profile of one that has lost their connection to feeling human traits of kindness, empathy and caring for others wellbeing and happiness because they hate and feel disgust for what makes people human. It based on a misguided ideology, one that rigidly upholds values of “toxic masculinity” that are linked to “might makes right” or “supremacist” values. These twisted beliefs not only dehumanize, they also leave narcissists with extremely fragile, weak and wounded egos. A lifetime of trying to be what is not human as it is not humane.
Beware, a narcissist has no capacity to love. How could they when they feel scorn and disgust for those that yearn to feel loved and loving? The more a woman signals that she wants to make a narcissist happy, and that her happiness and self worth, and self-love depend on this, the more a narcissist has openings to torment and take control of her mind, in particular, how she feels about herself, the narcissist, others and life. A narcissist knows how to “act” like confidant and protector, all the while, gather information on how to instill her with mistrust of her self and those that have been longstanding support systems for her, more often one or both parents, perhaps other friends or others who genuinely care for other human beings. Meanwhile, he’s also smearing her reputation so that others look down and mistrust her.
They do know how to fake or “profess love,” known as love bombing, a tool of deceit and harm. They have studied those that have hearts and want to love and be loved unconditionally. They may even watch “Hallmark” movies for ideas. Only someone disconnected from their ability to empathize derives pleasure from strategizing cruel treatment of those that try to love them. In their mind, this proves their superiority, in their mind. Empathy is a tool they use to bait others, to snare and exploit them, to use them as punching bags, serving at the pleasure of narcissists. They cannot fake empathy, however, with those who are aware and informed. When a woman allows herself to see and believe they fully know what they are doing, and are not capable of loving another or themselves, this neutralizes the ability of APDs to effect harm. They feel no remorse for demoralizing those kind and caring persons they perceive are weak, inferior and deserve what they get.
7. They self-identify as entitled to exploit, con, abuse with impunity.
Does he harass you about getting on meds or seeing a psychiatrist to check if they agree with him that you’re bipolar or borderline!? Thinking back, does every “conversation from hell” make you increasingly start to blame yourself, feel bad, doubt your self and sanity? Do you spin your wheels wondering what you need to do to prove your loyalty and devotion so he would stop feeling so insecure and miserable (and blaming it on you!)?
All of the above together indicate that the narcissist feels entitled to treat those he deems inferior with impunity, and thus, to exploit, con and abuse, lie, get you to question your sanity, spin your wheels, anything to keep you in the hot seat, and appear blameless, as if nothing they do sticks. explaining to them “why” their behavior is hurtful, and so on. The narcissist lusts to torment, make his targets feel uncomfortable. While you’re wondering why he doesn’t “get what he does hurts you,” he’s enjoying every level of discomfort, hurt, pain, frustration, you display. He thrills in his own ability to get you to deflect any doubt about him, and instead to question and doubt yourself, for example, by openly giving attention to other women, to get you to compare and doubt your ability to please and keep him happy.
A narcissistic psychopath, or APD** in the DSM, is a serious cognitive disturbance, a more extreme manifestation of NPD on the spectrum. Unlike other mental health disorders, sociopaths intentionally act out their rage and scorn for those they perceive as weak and inferior to them, in characteristically patterned behaviors ( narcissistic abuse), seeking to prove their superior status, by harming and violating other’s rights, abusing them emotionally and mentally, at minimum, and in more extreme cases, sexually, physically, financially, and more.
** The terms narcissist or narcissism in this article refer to persons that fully meet the criteria (as opposed to mere tendencies) for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) — and more so, to the more extreme version on the spectrum, sociopathology or psychopathology, labeled as antisocial personality disorder (APD) in the DSM.
**** The use of male pronouns is supported by decades of research showing that domestic violence, sexual assault, rape, mass shootings, pedophilia, and other acts of “false-power” violence are not gender neutral. On the contrary, they are rooted in rigid adherence to gendered might-makes-right norms that idealize “toxic masculinity” for men (and “toxic femininity” for women). These norms also idealize violence and intimidation as means of establishing male superiority and dominance (over females and others, i.e., “weak” males). And though, comparatively speaking far fewer in number, female narcissists do exist, however they too rigidly self-identify with toxic masculinity norms. It’s also important to note that, in many cases, women that are mislabeled as narcissists, when they are targets of a narcissist’s smear campaign; in other cases, they are instead accomplices (serving a narcissist’s interests, a form of narcissistic abuse).
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